In my last post, I described meeting my male Dom and how he introduced me, over time, to fin-subbing. As a woman, I struggled with accepting my role as a fin-sub. I didn’t want to accept my submissive nature.

I remember the first night after my first send. I woke up at like 4 AM and had trouble going back to sleep. I was too wired from the long drain session. I think that for so long I had been at a fork in the road, frozen in place out of fear. But now, after my first drain, I had finally taken a step down the more unfamiliar of the two roads. I could still see the fork behind me, but I also felt strongly pulled towards continuing on this new path. I was confused. Overwhelmed. Tons of thoughts and images swirling around in my head. During the drain, my Dom had kept asking me to say the word “oink”, kept asking me to repeat it. And now, when I sat up in bed at 4 AM, that word was ringing in my head like it had a life of its own. It didn't feel funny or good to me. Didn't feel bad either. More like confusion. Like, I had woken up in a stranger's apartment, surrounded by unfamiliar things.

I had never done something like that before. Never felt anything like that. Never opened my wallet and let a man rummage through it.

When I wanted to write my first post about my Dom, I thought about starting a throw away account. An account dedicated to my new identity as a FinSub, unconnected to my other, more banal posts on Reddit. The posts about dogs and the city I live in. But I realized it would be hotter to just have one Reddit account. To admit to the world this was who I was now. I am my Dom’s weak little piggy.

Fin-Subbing makes you do crazy things.