as a beta woman, it is important i always remember my position. and what better way to do that than to share all my insecurities with you all?

• my body is too fat. i constantly compare my appearance to porn stars online and i have yet to see any that are as fat as me. just goes to show how much of a fat, pathetic pig i am that i'm completely ashamed of my body. double chin, fat thighs, fat ass, giant belly. im basically a fucking cow.

• my tits are too small. again, comparing myself to better women, i fall short of this. i have 60D boob size and it is not enough. i will never be enough.

• my asshole is too dark. i shave as often as i can, even though it's tiring and painful, yet still my hole is too dark compared to porn stars. i really want to bleach it one day!

• my pussy is too uneven. do i even need to explain this? one side is too big compared to the other and it makes it such an ugly piece of meat. im honestly considering grabbing a pair of scissors and just snipping it.

• i haven't been really raped. though i was technically groomed, i was never really raped and i always regreat that. i should have let him use me, not pussy out on the last second. and why did he listen to me and stop? ugh, i regret it so much. now im just a stupid virgin, so i basically have no value as a whore.

• im not stupid enough. i catch myself making decisions, plans, sometimes i have ideas, thoughts. it's so tiring! it's unnatural! i should be on all fours, naked, drinking your piss! it makes me furious how i haven't beaten this lesson into my dumb brain yet.

• i never have enough bruises. no matter what i use to choke myself, no matter how many times i slap and punch and cut myself, the marks never last. i wish i had someone to do them for me

• my real life is not affected enough. sure, sometimes i don't wear panties. sometimes, i lick toilets. but i haven't denied myself something big that would give me joy because im too beta for it. i haven't made money and given it to a superior because im too beta to deserve it. isn't that such a shame? i feel so wasted.

• i will never be enough. until i get raped properly, beaten to a pulp and marked forever in irreparable ways, i will never be good enough of a beta.

so please, call me fat, stupid, a freak with many issues, but for the love of god, hate me as much as i hate myself <3