Now that we've closed the voting, /u/zanctmao has reminded me that we should probably post the results.

Without further ado, here they are!

1st Place

/u/theletterqwerty

I'm rubbing my socks on the carpet and the first person who turns this into an MRA debate is gonna get such a shock, I tell you what.

from this thread:

https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/4p4lac/my_pos_sister_is_a_rapist_allegedly/d4hxyiu/

2nd Place

/u/demyst

Anytime you use "lure," "children," and "into a van" in the same sentence you should sit back, take a breath, and contemplate your life choices.

from this thread:

https://np.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/4omb33/is_it_legal_to_lure_amish_children_into_a_van_and/d4ds1uv/

3rd Place

/u/malachi_23

You have so little idea of what you are talking about that you have made other people dumber for accidentally having read your drivel. There is a pile of decomposing wet cardboard boxes in my driveway that has had a more intelligent impact on this conversation than you have, and they haven't even participated in it because they are, literally, slowly rotting pieces of inanimate matter. You are so off the mark in all things that, had you had done us all a favor and thrown yourself off a building instead of commenting here, you would have somehow managed to miss the earth and would be hurtling into to the depths of interstellar space, forever lost to the world -- no great loss, but one that would have been worthy of mentioning in history books simply because we would all be better off without you. It is a miracle of modern science that you haven't drowned in your own inarticulate drool, which is in of itself sufficient reason for us to abandon Darwin and take up intelligent design as the only possible explanation for why you're still taking up valuable oxygen. I can only hope that one day you do something remotely intelligent, like attempt to fly a kite so large that it drags you away from whatever cesspool of genetic waste you managed to pull yourself out of and across the ocean to some place without internet access. Have a wonderful day.

from this thread:

https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/56h0da/detained_and_handcuffed_possibly_illegally/d8jdkil/

/u/LocationBot has asked me to let you all know that he had, by far, the most amount of upvotes in the history of best of threads but he wanted to be fair and give someone else the opportunity to win. He did say to tell you all "thank you beep boop beep beep."

We've mailed the winners their prizes. This years prize is a hand sculpted statue of /u/zapopa, each of which were personally signed by the man himself.