Well to start this long story I must give some background info first. I am 19 years old and turn 20 in March. I started experimenting with weed and alcohol when I was 14, a freshman in high school. Eventually after becoming part of the “popular” crowd and the crowd who was interested in drugs, I met a kid who sold prescription Xanax bars, back when the Pfizer 2mg bars were still around lmao. Pretty sure he got them from his mother or something like that.

Well I remember vividly I said “no maybe some other time.” At this point I knew my grandfather (I live with my grandparents, parents are addicts and homeless) had a prescription of 1mg Xanax footballs and would just keep them in the open. He had this huge clear pill container that had atleast 500 or more of these little magical anxiety be-gone pills. So I was curious and I took 1. Knew he wouldn’t notice, all he knew I did at this point was drink occasionally and smoke pretty often. I had a gaming desktop setup inside of my grandpa’s room. He could see my face and what I was doing but not my screen or what I was doing. Little did he know I had one of his 1mg Alp in my gaming drawer.

I felt really guilty taking this one pill but like I said my rational was thinking he wouldn’t notice. He didn’t. I took the pill after doing about 2-3 hours or research on the substance Alprazolam, and I felt like I was ready to see what 1mg of Alp would do to me and make me feel. I took it and well... I have a really high baseline anxiety so..... it made me feel like that was the feeling I was missing for my entire life. The feeling of relief and euphoria and the body sedation was amazing. I was immediately hooked but had no clue I was.

Very next day I bought like 5 bars for $25 and decided to do them sporadically. Sometimes I’d take 2 bars a day, then 1 the next, then 2 again the next. Then wait until I got my weekly allowance of $25 bucks again to buy Alp. Eventually I started to want to buy more in the range of 15-20. Couldn’t really afford that so I started saving up and bought a zip of weed to start selling to get money for my habit. Wasn’t hooked physically but starting to get mentally hooked at this point. My whole teenage years in high school was smoking weed, doing xans and drinking alcohol. But benzos were my vice. They gripped me.

Eventually around 19 I found out about Etizolam. My first couple of Etizolam packages (Etilaam), were I think 50 pills at first then my next couple packages were 100 counts. I literally binged on ever single Etiz package I have received and finished them within a week or less. I’d always tell myself “next time I order Etiz I’ll do it twice a week and never two days in a row.” Well I ordered another package this time, but it was 500 1mg Etizolam pills. That shit literally filled like 1 1/2 orange prescription bottles to the top. As you can imagine I took them like I promised myself. Then within about 3-4 days of having this large amount of Etiz I starting binging. Taking 6 mg a day sometimes 8 . Now my favorite dose of Etiz was 6mg. Way better than Xanax on 3mg. But I noticed my dosage was increasing to get the same effects.

One day I just had enough and told my grandparents about my benzo use. I knew I had to because it was dangerous at that point and I needed help. Now I went my PCP who put me on a taper regime with Klonopin. Well they stopped giving me Klonopin to continue the taper, and after multiple docs saying no, I’m back on Xanax again. Only 1mg a day compared to 3 which is 6mg of Etiz. So moral of the story.... if you are offered a benzodiazepine, especially Xanax, just don’t pop it in your mouth. You will thank yourself down the road.