This will probably be my last post on Reddit — any advice would be hugely appreciated.

TLDR: If you had to pick between long term use of SSRI's or benzos for OCD/anxiety — what would you do?

My story:

I was on an antidepressant/SSRI for years (for OCD) which, in conjunction with therapy, worked pretty well. I decided to stop my SSRI two months ago, thinking I didn't need it anymore. Big mistake. A month later I started noticing really intense depressive symptoms, then came the crippling anxiety, the likes I've never had before, followed by daily panic attacks and, finally, the return of the king: OCD with extreme magical thinking.

Few weeks ago, I spoke to my psychiatrist over the phone (at this point I can't really go outside). She suggested I go back on my SSRI, and she also prescribed me benzos for short-term relief.

I've been taking the benzos ever since but have yet to reinstate the SSRI. I'm just beyond terrified about potential side-effects from reinstating, there's just too many horror stories out there and I just can't bring myself to take that first pill.

The thing is: so far the benzos have helped. Not really with the OCD/magical thinking but 100% with the anxiety associated with it. I feel like I can sort of function whilst on them. On the flipside, I noticed that around 36 hours after dosing, I would get extreme rebound anxiety and even some bad physical symptoms so I've definitely developed a dependency of some sort even taking them “just” for 2-3 weeks.

So... what are my options here? Every single doctor I've spoke to wants me back on the SSRI, and dismisses my concerns out of hand (except my therapist — the only one who understands my fears, but still thinks it'd be better for me if I went back on it).

As I see it, I can either:

1. Reinstate the SSRI and see if it works out despite my extreme fear of side effects

2. Continue taking benzos daily indefinitely

I know there's people out there who've been taking benzos daily for years, so I know for a fact it's possible. Obviously I realise how horrible going off them would be, but at least for now I've taken benzos and I've seen they kind of work, without any major side effects. Reinstating my antidepressant is an unknown at this point. It might work, it might not. Can I risk it? I don't know.

What would you do in my position?