hi my people, somehow i’m here and almost 2 years sober. i almost don’t recognize myself anymore though- a lot of people i know say they don’t recognize who they were before sobriety, i can’t help but to feel like i don’t recognize this version of myself. benzos were my whole life and they changed everything for me, but through that they blurred all my senses and made life too much of a bliss. after quitting, i look in the mirror or i look in my selfie camera i feel vile and repulsive, undesirable. i feel like i’m physically fat but everybody is telling me that im actually the weight i should have been, and i was underweight when i was on the drugs. maybe that’s right, but that still doesn’t matter to the fact now i feel like an ugly, useless piece of shit. i miss the confidence that came with, i miss not giving a shit about how i was perceived and just being able to drown out all the thoughts, i miss the drive and creativity. my hypochondria now is worse than it’s ever been, i never used to fear death but now i breathe wrong and i assume it’s cancer. i feel like im going crazy and am unsure how to live this way, anybody got some advice? when i look at myself i don’t see me, i see the version of me i hoped i’d never have to meet