Long story short I've been dealing with major depressive disorder for over a decade now. I also deal with ocd and anxiety but those got better with treatment, now I'm just regular old profoundly depressed. A few years ago I was prescribed ativan to take in case of panic attacks. I took one and golly gosh I felt NORMAL for the first time in years. Needless to say I started taking it daily and once I told my doctor she immediately cut me off. Since then I've been in the hospital a few times and gotten ativan for procedures but I haven't had a prescription. It's just so fucked up that I was a given a taste of what it's like to not be so fucking depressed but got it immediately taken away because I was well on my way to addiction. It's a cruel joke. I have no inclination to add addiction to my grocery list of fucked up issues but it's real tempting on days like today where I'm in a middle of a bad bad depressive episode and just have to raw dog it sober as hell.