I’ve been off of hard drugs and iv fentanyl use for 29 months after 5 years of the every day using anything lifestyle ,and in and out of rehab. I still suffer from severe depression and anxiety and I am medicated I still take 4mg of bupe and I’m in a program for that. The point -im in my hometown and found some bars straight from a friends friend prescription bottle. Y 21 white 2 mg pills. My anxiety has been so high lately and depression hitting. i got about 10. It’s been so long since having bars that I blacked out with the first few after 1. Ate of the cereal, got some rest. Taking what’s left more slow. I have had a prescription in the past but I’m not sure I can get one again after dealing with drug problems. I feel like there’s been a lapse in my coping skills. I have too much going on in my head. I wish I didn’t get to a point that I feel I need to alter my mind to be okay. I still smoke cannabis as well but I like to think it helps. or does it,ultimately?i dont want to ever return to life as an active addict but the addiction dr /psych has me under their thumbs now. I told my dr last week about taking Xanax before getting my bupe script, of course they go to recommend all of the anxiety comfort meds I’ve already had in rehab or tried with psych. We know the addictive stuff works. why does the brain suck sometimes? how do you deal with motivation and getting ahead when you feel like you are the only thing holding yourself back?