[Humiliation] [Public] [Edginig] [Orgasm Denial]

For those who are unaware of the dynamic/relationship i am in, please feel free to read back on my previous posts. Otherwise, -doing as i am told to- my pm is always open for anyone who has suggestions/questions. (Basically, she is enjoying the view of me becoming her exposed public slut toy.) Normally, i would put an emoji here but let's just say i wanna be on my best behaviour today -i hope-.

And now... back to writing my diary

"May i please cum tonight, Miss?" i texted to ask for permission after mustering my courage to.

i was extremely flustered after asking although i have been doing so over the past years. i was also nervous and kinda worried because i bratted quite a lot a few days ago and wasn't punished yet so i wasn't sure if karma would befall me on that day.

When i say a lot, let's just say i bratted in a way that i forgot the day collar over my neck indicating my submission and also that Miss could make me do anything. (in my defence, i was on a sugar rush and when brats are challenged, they always want to win.)

But i was hoping for some mercy because i have been good after that. i would say my behaviour is most likely top-notch! i did my forced workouts and a little more edges than usual with each edge reaching as close as i could while i was on my knees. i also took the initiative to apologize sincerely to Miss a few days before by sending her a picture of me, naked in only my day collar on my knees spread at my shoulder length, my mouth biting the leather paddle showing the word "SLAVE", my arm lifting the board where i wrote "i am sorry, Miss" and my hands holding out the crop presenting it to her.

After some waiting, Miss replied by asking if i could go to the shower and fuck myself.

i blushed reading it. My showers nowadays are kind of 'invaded' by onlookers because my neighbour is renovating and the contractors could see what i am doing in my shower from the window if they look hard enough. So... they might actually see me fucking myself in my shower!

Flustered as i was thinking how slutty i would be for Mistress, i bit my lips as i replied "Yes Miss."

i could feel her demeaning grin through my phone when she read my text.

i was then told to attach the dildo to the wall of my shower, put on the nipple clamps with bells, my other collar that has a bell, get on all fours and fuck myself in the toilet like the little bitch i am.

-mindblown- there was no permission to orgasm!

Miss has also told me to share this task with everyone here so (i think) everyone could see how i was used and humiliated.

i changed my day collar to the collar with bells and walked (while the bell chimes) to a corner of my room to grab the nipple clamps with bells. i bit my lips getting myself ready for the pain and placed the nipple clamps on my nipples. i could feel myself wet instantly.

After that, i grabbed my dildo and attached it to the wall. i then lubed the dildo, positioned my phone to record the video for Miss and got on all fours in my shower. i looked up at the window hoping that the contractors could not see me (let's just say part of me hopes not to be seen and part of me fantasizes it) as it was about 9:00 a.m. in the morning.

i eased my face closer to the ground, my ass held up higher as i pushed myself backwards gently to slide the dildo into my pussy. i moaned as the dildo entered my pussy. My nipples and my pussy were in pain, my pussy was filled and now i am to fuck myself with the dildo.

i arched my back and started thrusting myself forward and backwards, each time slightly faster and deeper. i could feel the dildo entering and tearing me. My bells wouldn't stop chiming i felt like a morning bird/ a morning bell/ a morning clock fucking the dildo like a bitch while telling/notifying to the public that it was 'rise and shine' time.

Being on all fours, i looked at the camera while i fucked myself hard and rough (i did take some breaks and also did some slow ones). My horny mindless brain was just hoping if i could be allowed an orgasm. i could feel myself edging over and over again and i was trying so hard not to cum while i fuck myself like a bitch for about 30 minutes or so.

To me, i sounded like a moaning bell for the entire 30 minutes. If people can't hear my moaning, they might hear my bells. Regardless, it was extremely humiliating. And what's more, i did not have permission to cum so all i could do was edge over and over again.

By the time i was done with myself, i was panting, my legs were like jellies wobbling, my pussy was aching but dripping so much, my nipples perky and in pain and i was deep in subspace. The fact that my pussy wouldn't stop dripping for days makes my ears and face turn red all the time.

i was used, exhausted, humiliated and denied. After all these, i also had to take my horny drippy self to bed wondering if i would be allowed orgasm if i were to ask again.

But of course, i did thank Miss for the (sorta) public task, humiliation and the denial. As much as i want to cum, my pain is always Mistress' pleasure. Being denied is also a torturous kind of fun and i guess i deserved not to cum since i did brat extraordinarily.

Typing this now, i am reminded of what i am and whom i belong to, and that orgasms do not belong to me. They have to be earned (pats my little orgasm-fucked mind).

Thank you once again for reading this post. i am still learning how to write better. Any comments/suggestions are always welcome! Stay tuned for more diary updates.

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