Yes, I'm looking for a submissive, but I want much more than that. I want a clever, knowledgeable woman with a caring, passionate heart. Someone to share everything with, from silly jokes about us crazy humans to deep conversations about the universe, and intimate exchanges where we can bare our souls and be seen and loved for who we really are.

The important things I'm looking for in a committed partner are intelligence and compassion. Unfortunately these aren't the best self-selection criteria to put out there, because nobody thinks of themselves as dumb and mean.   ;)

I want to live my life with someone who has a broad understanding of the world, who is well-read without being pretentious. Someone with a deep interest, background or career in science, maths or history, and a very sceptical eye for pseudoscience and mysticism, could be ideal. Those aren't absolute requirements, but give you an idea of the sort of intelligence I'm looking for.

In terms of kindness, I like the type of person who'll go out of their way to help a stranger. Someone who's willing to make some self-sacrifices to make the world a little better.

I don't have a shopping list of kinks. I've found that each relationship that I've been in has evolved into it's own beautiful dynamic. Kinks that have been the cornerstone of one relationship have been entirely absent from another, and unmissed. Things that I've enjoyed include restraints, impact play, training and conditioning, life coaching, role playing, breeding, fisting, sounding, orgasm control and denial, power exchange, service, water sports, humiliation and degradation, and cock, arse and body worship.

I'm drawn to the psychological aspects of BDSM just as much as to the physical. What I require is control and power. That can be tightly constrained to the sexual dimension of the relationship or flow out in to other aspects of it if we desire. Consent is the core of BDSM, and highly erotic in it's own right. I love learning about and knowing my submissive: what she wants, what she needs, the openness and vulnerability of exploration, the incredible intimacy that it brings, and the beautiful growth of understanding, trust and love.

I'm experienced in BDSM in many forms over many years, as well as being fairly open to exploring new aspects. I'm aware of and in broad agreement with paradigms like SSC, RACK and PRICK. I have a system of communication, traffic lights and safe words that I like to use. I respect boundaries, don't pressure or manipulate around hard limits, and discuss them seriously and considerately outside of the dynamic. Love giving good aftercare. Have no trouble separating BDSM from the rest of life when required, and can be harshly dominating one minute in the bedroom and a respectful, equal partner the next minute at the kitchen table, if that's our dynamic. I seek genuine, messy, raw, warm human sexuality, not fake perfection and cliched porn tropes.

What I also want is a healthy, sustainable, very long term (even 'til death do us part) romantic relationship. I believe that the key to that is communication and compromise. I'm far from perfect, and I don't expect you or our relationship to be perfect. I do expect us to be self-aware: understanding and flexible where we can be and honest with ourselves and each other where we can't. We should be willing to put in the hard work to keep improving ourselves and our relationship. In day-to-day life with a partner I like to be loving, affectionate and supportive, though that can depend on our dynamic and how you want to be treated too.

Ultimately, I want to know you completely. Who you are, where you've come from, where you want to go. The dark times in your life that caused you to falter; your strength that brought you here. Your interests and passions, your achievements and failures, your joy and sorrow. And I want to share myself with you. I want you to know me. "Love takes off the mask we fear we cannot live without but know we cannot live within."

About me:

• 47 years old, 190cm (6'3"), 90kg (200lb), bald (buzz cut), blue eyes (glasses)
• Single
• Have some serious but manageable health problems that I don't let define me, but that do mean I live on a disability pension
• Not "gym fit", but rather go-for-a-short-run-some-mornings-in-the-park-and-do-some-irregular-push-ups fit
• Educated (bachelor's degree and lots of reading) enough to know how ignorant I am
• Have a beloved young daughter who lives in another state that I see regularly but infrequently
• Not religious, but have my own philosophy on life that draws mainly on humanism, Buddhism, Christianity and Stoicism
• Drug and disease free. No hard drugs, don't smoke or do weed, rarely have a drink at social occasions
• I enjoy reading, gardening, movies, bush walking (hiking), games, deep conversations and big picture thinking, peace and quiet, appreciating the little things in life
• My interests include science, history, government and language
• Passionate about nature, conservation and reducing my levels of consumption
• On most issues I'm very progressive, and have been heavily involved in activism and politics in the past

About You:

• Cisgender woman
• Extremely smart
• Intrinsically kind and considerate
• Single and genuinely seeking a long term relationship
• Sexually submissive
• Open and honest
• Drug and disease free, or upfront about it with no lies of omission (see "Open and honest")
• Constant, grounded and relatively emotionally stable
• Not materialistic

Within those constraints, I'm quite open. If you're very experienced with BDSM, I'll be interested to share stories and learn from you. If you've little or no experience, I'm happy to go at your pace and patiently show you the ropes. I'm not superficial or judgemental. I like many types of personality, and have loved quiet, shy, retiring women and loud, exuberant, career-driven go-getters. It's our connection that's important: the meeting of hearts and minds. And the only way to discover if we have that is to talk and then meet.

About getting together:

I don't want to be used or scammed, so we'll proceed quite slowly and carefully at the start. Prefer to talk seriously to one person at a time and give them my full attention, not be juggling and keeping mushrooms on the back burner. I don't ghost or block: if I think there are problems I'll discuss them with you upfront, and I hope you'll do the same. Not looking to fantasise endlessly over the internet, so we'll meet publicly and safely in real life as soon as we're both ready.

You can contact me via reddit chat, or direct message here: https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=DeepConnection_ . This is a new account because friends and family may know my main account, but they don't need to know these details about my sexual preferences. I'm not online all the time, so don't worry if you don't get an immediate response. I usually log in to reddit once every day or two. If you're interested or even just curious, I'd love to hear from you. I have no expectations beyond what I've written here, and enjoy having conversations with good people, so get in touch and we'll have a friendly chat and see where it goes.

TL;DR If this was too long for you to read, you are not the one for me.   ;)