I am 21f, mostly a service sub and a little bratty sometimes (I mention this to fit the sub). I will be 10 months sober in 5 days from alcohol, smoking, marijuana and sex. I am working currently - I look after animals and their well-being at a non-profit organization. I am a childhood and adulthood SA and grape survivor, no one in my life supported me or felt enraged the way they should have, I was basically alone during as well as after talking about it. I have been with a lot of people in the past which does and will hamper with my love life and finding something authentic, emotional and romantic. The relationships that I currently have in my life are honestly full of criticism I think and even though I love all of them, it gets hard dealing with not feeling the love back. I am kind, understanding, empathetic and obedient most of the times. I used to be very selfish while I was struggling and suffering, made wrong choices - made the people around me suffer; 'hurt people, hurt people'-ish. So, I have not been perfect or even deserving of love. I really aim to always be a good person though, to do the right things, to help. I just really crave to be loved the way... (sorry for the pause- my mom just abused me) ...I would love. Or be appreciated or hear that I am good from people - and honestly anyone at this point to just fill that void.

Thank you so much for taking time out to read this. I really appreciate it.