Or is Robert Castellini so cheap that he actually sold the team after the 2013 wild card game and has fooled us all ever since?

Just think about it; how often do you even think about the Reds? They're the perpetually mediocre team of the decade; not enough of a bottom feeder to laugh at them, and not enough of a threat to fear them.

So are they even there? Yeah, your team has probably played them in a few season series, but have they really? Did they actually? Or was Cincinnati just stamped on the schedule and a bunch of professional baseball players suddenly found themselves standing on the field, in position, and using their imagination?

The only way for Castellini to keep us from finding out is by making the Reds unknown. The "team" has to be so mediocre that nobody ever actually thinks about them.

Because who is going to remember this team in 10 years, except for those wise enough to see through Castellini’s dirty tricks? Will people talk with nostalgia about the days of Kyle Farmer and Nick Senzel leading a team?

And on that note, do those players exist? Kyle Farmer’s nickname could easily be "Mini Trea" because he's just an excess lump of skin that Turner had surgically removed when he was 23.

The same goes for the Pham. Everyone knows that players don’t get into slap fights with each other over fantasy sports, that's fucking ludicrous Always Sunny in Philadelphia shit. Castellini molded him, and placed him within your mind to hide the truth. He brainwashed you!

The actual 18th and 32nd picks of the 2021 draft? Cam Collier, son of former major leaguer Lou Collier, and Sal Stewart, the most generic two names ever. They play in the minors somewhere, don't question it.

And don’t forget about the rapid Aquino decline!How did he all of a sudden regress into a sub 200 hitter. Why? Because nobody was batting after him to provide protection?

Why would nobody throw him fastballs for him to hit? Because there was no one standing in the batter’s box to swing.

Connor Overton might exist, only because I once saw him in real life at the airport in Pittsburgh waiting on a flight to Cincinnati and followed him around for several minutes while he occasionally glanced over his shoulder and quickened his pace to get on his flight.

But the others? Have you ever met a Cincinnati Red?

I rest my case.