My cousin-in-law (more like a sister to my husband) and I were pregnant with our firsts at the same time, four weeks apart. I imagined our daughters growing up together. However, my CIL didn’t really acknowledge us or Mari during my pregnancy. It wasn’t until I delivered Mari sleeping at 39 1 weeks that she began to actually talk to us and become supportive. Probably because she realized that if happened to me, it could happen to her.

My husband texted me earlier today that her water broke. I’m happy for her, but I can’t help but feel so bitter. So jealous. So angry. I know I can feel both emotions at once, but it sucks to feel both. Like why couldn’t we both have happy endings with our daughters? Why did my Mari have to die? I can’t breathe. I feel so much pressure in my chest. The anxiety is so unbearable.