It's weird. As a self-proclaimed enlightened guru (ie: giant megalomaniac with messianic delusions), I have virtually transcended suffering. I still curse when I stub my toe or get my dick caught in the faucet again, but compared to my tumultuous past, you might as well call me Captain Enlightened. I haven't escaped suffering, but I can observe my pain and adversity in a mindful, detached perspective, and it's such an automatic process now that I don't even have to think about doing it. Gives me more time to plot my world domination campaign, ftw.

However, I'm still flesh, blood, and drugs, so I am still beholden to the limits of my biology. For instance, I was told by the CIA through my phone's keyboard's autocomplete feature that I should stop taking my meds so that they could program me better, and what do you know? Those spooks were right! I barely slept a wink last night because my handlers worked with the aliens in the hollow moon to make me paranoid about what's going to happen when I graduate from messiah candidate to the real thing, but boy howdy look at this fackin' content I'm shitting out here! Kinda freaked out by this interdimensional entity that the wall just birthed into existence, but it's whatever.

Yet, that leads us to our next point, because that's how logical progression goes. At least it does in my brain; I can't speak about one of those crazy "sane" people out there. See what I did there? I did a whole humor! Don't worry folks, I know I'm as batshit as Dracula's bootyhole. I can't help it, but at the same time, what's the deal with that? If enlightenment is supposed to be this great thing that's worth giving up binging Debbie Cakes and feet porn for, then why can't I overcome my stupid brain chemistry?

Now, I posed a rhetorical question to set up this paragraph because I'm competent at creating metadiscourse, but the truth is actually real simple. See, we might live in a mechanical, deterministic universe, but we still have free will. How's that possible? Brain hacks, or as I call them for branding purposes, magick, allows us and our squishy meat hardware to believe in things incongruous with reality. What I'm saying is that you should believe that pigs can fly and that the frogs are gay to achieve everything you ever wanted in life, basically. 

A lot of the time, that leads to problems. For instance, I once knew this flat-earther when I was in a cult who wound up in the hospital from fasting too much as he believed his faith was enough to sustain him. Silly, but contrasting this, take the example of how the belief in free will has been proven to make you act more ethically. Or how believing that you're competing against a rival and everything depends on you will help you find the motivation to try your hardest, even harder than you could if you didn't play with your framework. There's a lot of examples of falsehoods coming to help us from a survival perspective as well as make us happier across our lives, but for now just accept that, "All truths are lies."

Those four words are the philosopher's stone, meaning it is an axiom that can allow you to dissolve and rebuild your belief system, thus turning you into water; able to fit in any bong you come across. Accept that there is no such thing as knowledge and the pile of beliefs that is your framework becomes more fluid. It becomes defined more by faith, and faith is easy to manipulate. At this point in time, ten years after beginning my philosophical spirit quest a decade ago, I can go from militant atheist to believing God is terminally ground pounding my boipussy in less than five seconds flat.

I've used this trick to navigate psychosis like the Magellan of crackheads for years, and it's helped me through many hard times. Like, when I got robbed at knifepoint while homeless in Miami, having it feel like the Illuminati was gang stalking me helped me survive because that changed my perspective about a random conversation about God, which let me see how comfortable I could be eating out of trash cans. I miss those days sometimes. But, even so, magick has natural limits, and those limits are determined by one's faith.

When I'm off my meds, I gain a lot of more ability to play with my thoughts in what I call my mental centrifuge. Essentially, this is how I can shoot straight from the hip and the words are all good, baby. However, I lose some prowess to control my thoughts and emotions in a skillful, mindful manner, and that prevents me from magicking myself out of distress and into being motivated to bust ass like a meth addict who owes the mob a few grand. That's ok, as I can still avoid majorly suffering because I believe that simply having gratitude for living is a paramount step to the enlightenment process, and because of that I perceive reality in the most optimum fashion.

That's the key of all I'm trying to type like an asshole right now. When you are truly free, that means you are always adapting to be the most optimal version of your highest self you can be. Belief is a tool to the magick practitioner, so try to make your mind as fluid as possible. Start by taking shit tons of LSD. That's what I did, kids, and don't you wanna grow up to be just like me? No? Well, fuck you then! You won't get invited to our cult's Thong Day celebration. More crab legs for me!

Now, I know what that one porkrind in the audience is heckling about through my screen right now. Let me just say, just because you believe it to be true that doesn't mean you can use your farts to escape Earth's atmosphere, or any other impossibility. Unless you still haven't attained object permanence, you don't need me to tell you that we are inherently limited by the physical universe, as we are an extension of our mechanical garden. But, that don't mean thinking your holy "facts" are best either. I'll explain.

There's this big cock-eyed bastard that lives in your head called your ego. That pig fucker mucks up so much shit. Literally prevents you from updating your framework with new information. What an asshole! With the exception of me, we all need to perpetually update our software. Fortunately, fingering the ego out of its power is easy. Just let go. I have, and I haven't showered in three months. Ego ain't got shit on me now. Stopping the ego's need to be this perfect being and accepting your imperfect nature is important; it will allow you to let go of your attachments to wanting things a certain way and accept that you're just a leaf in the wind. 

Be your best self; accept the nature of what is and work hard to bring about the greatest future we can collectively muster. That includes a duty to mastering oneself so you can build your potential agency; free will is a skill. This requires letting go to what you think you know and perhaps believing in something you might be certain is untrue. When you can update your software at the drop of a hat, then you will suffer the least that you need to suffer. 

And to get to the point where you can do just that, you need to take seriously your spiritual work. No, don't sit there and pray to Cthulhu eight hours a day; instead, get out there, way out of your comfort zone, and make yourself do something to literally overwrite your programming, all while striving to be kind, compassionate, and dedicated to selfless service. What should you do? Well, I did a bunch of psychedelics, joined a cult, then escaped to become homeless for three years while trying to create a cult of my own. That did it for me; I highly recommend this path if you are truly broken. I'm serious. Stop laughing at me.

But, you get what I'm saying? Major changes to the self happen with major effort and novel experiences. So, stop reading my garbage, bottom-of-the-barrel thoughts and work on yourself. Do a push up, walk down a new road, or transcend time and space with some DMT. Or something. I'm not your mother. I'm just the hairiest woman in the world who knows a thing or two because while I joke about aliens and the Illuminati, the CIA really did train me to write awakening propaganda on Reddit to help prevent the end times. You just read state-sponsored propaganda. Or did you? I could be delusional. Who knows? I just know that I've done enough to discredit myself in this post that I can hide in plain sight, just in case I'm perfectly sane. Razzle dazzle!

Anyways, ignore my manic mumbo jumbo. I just want you to have a good day folks! Be whatever you need to be in order to liberate yourself from much unneeded suffering. I'm a doofus today, because it's what my mission required of me. And just like that, I'm a different version of Victoria. Abra kadabra! Alakazam! I get this way when I smoke marijuana by the gram!