Trigger waring for any other CPTSD sufferers out there. Everything is just so intertwined. Sorry in advance.

As they say, great wisdom comes at a great cost, but also comes with great change. After my awakening, my relationship of 10 years fell to pieces because the trauma I had to let go was all entangled with the traumas of my childhood. Suddenly, I’m almost sent into a psychosis out of pure shock when my ex took my child without telling me, then getting her father to tell me the bad news while he knew as a psychologist that I was in a psychologically vulnerable state. But I managed to hold on and continue to trust myself as I have so far.

I locked off my soul, undoing years of healing, only to explode over a week of one huge trip through, life, the universe and everything. I still went to work, and actually had confidence. But the shadow-work was long and painful, but neccessary and an enlightening reminder, that nothing mattered. That was undone and I was sent down a spiral, but found my way back to family.

It’s been a full week, and through continuous meditation, journaling, art, and private shadow-work (and some weed), I have finally come back to the state I was in before, but with lifetime worth of wisdom. Out of the relationship, I have my son, the most amazing gift I have ever been given to guide with love and always be there for him. The next step is not realisation, but realisation of creation, the true link to the divine.

He is of me, and so he validates my existence. Our egos are entangled. He will never let me deny him and I will never forget him. How can I deny the raw and untainted truths of a child. We have an unbreakable bond and understanding, because we both will it, and will believe nothing else.

He is my entire universe. Nothing else matters to me. Nothing will stop me or ever get in my way of seeing him thrive.

Through acts of pure and unconditional love, I now reach a state of bliss. I now get to see the universe trough new eyes, and he through critical eyes, and so he will find his truth. His knowledge is my knowledge.

What am I? He will tell me.

Always have your heart open, but always make time to reflect. Miracles were always in front of you.