When I first got deep into raving I looked at things like rolling and tripping as a way to handle being around so many people I didn't know. I didn't like people when I first started raving.

I've made my mistakes. Too many. First Paradiso I took 6 points because Hey, I didn't know any better and my friend thought I could handle what he could.

For what it's worth, I cant even handle a full point dose. I do a .07 and re-dose with another .07 later. Anything .30 or more total and I will get sick. Every single time. It took a year of shows to learn that.

In any case, I've wound up in medical too many times. Even after volunteering for shows, I've still wound up in medical.

Then I went to a show earlier this month and almost went to the hospital. Like medics with their kits at my side in case I went any further south.

So I decided to go sober-sally status last night. The venue is always boiling hot, I over heat easily, drugs or no, and I volunteered as DD to make sure I stayed clean. I had one soda and water all night.

I haven't had this much fun at a show in a long time. It helps that I know people now, I was able to walk the venue and hang out with lots of rave friends. I headbanged my heart out and woke up ready for work.

One of my friends kept bothering me to find pills, and I was seriously off put. I'm Not going to go full straight edge, but seeing that made me kind of sad.

Sad that I thought it was almost necessary to have enough fun at shows. Sad that I was almost okay with and have laughed off the fact that I've been to medical so many times in just two years of going to shows.

I've rolled almost every month this year, I've broken the 3 month rule, done Psychadelics back to back weekends, and just gone farther than I said Id allow myself to go.

I'm not done having my fun with psychs or rolling or any of that, but this month has been a good reminder that they aren't necessary to have a good time.

I needed that, and I'm posting here because maybe someone else needs to hear the same thing.