Today I had the best sex of my life.

To be fair, I said the same thing a couple of months ago...and a couple months before that as well. Over the course of two years, I’ve found myself continuously feeling as though I’ve peaked, only to be proven wrong.

While I’m beyond content with where my sexual energy is at, I haven’t excused myself from continually enlightening myself.

Kinda like when you reach a fitness goal that was impossible just a few short weeks ago. Our bodies and minds adapt, our threshold for what we can accomplish grows. You might not be able to picture things as they are right now changing so drastically. I get that... because there was a point in my life where I couldn’t orgasm at all.

The sex I was having sucked.

Then my body gave me the one warning sign I couldn't ignore...

My dick stopped working.

It’s a weird spot to be, dude...When you can’t cum, bust too quickly, or stay hard...the fault falls on to you.

Who wouldn’t get embarrassed?

But you don’t have to be an expert to know that stress only makes the issue worse.

Yeah, okay you scrolled down to the part where I tell you how to fix it. Fine by me.

You’re beating yourself up for not performing well enough before you even get in the ring.

Let’s think about what a stress response is in its most basic form: fight or flight. Our body takes blood-flow away from non-vital areas and redirects it to our muscles, our brains, & anything that will help us survive better in the face of danger. Sorry, your dick didn’t make the cut.

Our caveman brains can’t tell we’re tryna slash a shorty in half, but GOD do we wish they did.

The solution here is to calm that response. There are a couple of different ways to do this, and how successful each of them will be, probably depends a lot on you as an individual. Breathing exercises, mantras, & limiting stressors outside of the bedroom, are all good places to start. Check out something else I’ve written about before called “The Inner Smile Technique”.

Here’s something else you can do to alleviate stress. (But you’re gonna hate it)

Muster up the courage to talk to your partner about what you’re experiencing. Chances are, it’s not as big of a deal-breaker as you think it is.

30-40% of men experience premature ejaculation at some point in their lives, and guess what...tons of them are able to work around and through this issue. But opening up healthy communication has to be a primary goal.

Letting her know also gives her the hint to take things slow in the bedroom and not turn you on too quickly. Take breaks from stimulation when you need it. Besides, there are a lot of different ways to please a woman that don’t involve your dick at all.

This is probably a good time to have an honest convo with yourself about your masturbation habits.

Death-grip syndrome? Are you jerking off with the intention of just cumming as hard as possible, as fast as possible? And, ah yes, our ever-present porn. Listen, I’m not a censorship happy weirdo who thinks it’s the root of all sexual deviance, but that doesn’t mean it’s not important to consider how it spills into real life.

Now, logically we know porn isn’t “real”, however, yet again, our caveman brains just really don’t get the memo. Repetition forms neural pathways, and those can affect us pretty heavily when it comes time for the real thing. Try some re-wiring. Make it a goal to go a period of time without using it when you jerk off. How long you start with doesn’t matter, as long as you commit to it and scale-up once you’ve made progress.

Your body is only as healthy as what you put into it.

I’m not gonna go too much into depth on this one because it’s pretty self-explanatory. A decent diet improves blood flow and stamina, ‘nuff said. I’m not a dietitian, but try to eat a couple of fruit and veggies here and there.

But jumping back to our first point again, stress, pay extra attention to how much caffeine you’re drinking. It wreaks havoc on your adrenal system (the thing that sets off the alarm-bells for your fight or flight response).

I wish there was a magic pill I could give you, but the truth is...there’s a shit ton of dedication that goes into repairing your sexual energy & it’s easy to get caught up being resentful when there are guys who never have to worry about these issues.

At the end of the day, though, that doesn’t change anything about your situation. We’re here to improve your life.

There’s a lot that I didn’t go over here because I’m not interested in writing a book (yet). But hopefully, you found some value in what I had to say, (or are at least more willing to take an understanding, and self-loving, approach to yourself).

Dani