It all started as a teen, when I discovered porn. I quickly realized that there was a wide variety of women in these videos. Tall, short, skinny, chubby, curvy, busty, flat, innie, outie, etc. However, one area there was no variety in were the dicks. They were monsters, the girls basically worshiped them, and I realized I could never compare. At 17 I took a ruler to my dick. It looked like all the guys in porn were as long as the whole thing, and I didn't even reach halfway. I was devastated that, at rock hard, I just barely reached the 4.5 inch mark. If I pushed the ruler into my fat pad, it went up to 5. I was also bothered by the fact that I'm uncut, and I heard some girls one day laughing about how gross uncut dicks look.

Because of this, I was too scared to date for awhile. I got my first GF at 19. She was a friend who asked to kiss me one day, then the next declared to everyone that we were dating. After a couple of weeks, we started getting busy. Basically all foreplay. I was very scared to let her see my dick, but finally did, and she had no problem with it. She'd give me blowjobs, but I was too afraid to fuck because I was worried she wouldn't feel it. We ended up breaking up, both of us leaving the relationship with our V cards still intact.

I got no more action until last year, at 24. A girl I worked with at my old job wanted to fuck me. I was very nervous. I went to her house after work, we got in the bed, and I couldn't get hard to save my life. Embarrassed, I opened up to her about my insecurities. She was very supportive, and shared that she had physical insecurities as well (due to being overweight). She told me she was actually worried that I didn't find her body attractive, and that's why I couldn't get hard. I went to her house the next day, and a few times a week after that, and was able to perform. I could even make her squirt almost every time from fingering. And one time we stayed in a hotel, we got a noise complaint call because she was moaning so loud and the headboard of the bed was slamming into the wall. I was completely over my fear of not being able to satisfy someone.

After a few months of being FWB, she revealed that she had developed feelings for me, and wanted to be a couple. I told her I was flattered, but wasn't looking for a relationship. The truth was, as cool as this girl might have been, she had a pretty big problem with abusing alcohol. Anytime we'd go to a bar or club she would blackout and either throw up, cry about her past traumas to me, or cause such a disruptive scene that she would be kicked out. I grew up with an alcoholic dad, and really didn't feel like dating someone like that. She gave me an ultimatum. Said that if I didn't date her, we wouldn't fuck anymore. I told her "Well then I guess the sex is done." We agreed to stay friends, but ended up not talking to each other anymore. Until a month later.

She messaged me out of the blue, and the text was HUGE! She said that she had to confess some things to me, and apologized in advance. She told me that it was pathetic that I couldn't get hard with her the first time, and said that every time after that she could never even feel me inside of her. She said that my dick looked ugly because it was uncut. She said she felt sorry for me because I was a loser, and that she lied about having feelings for me and was just trying to make me feel good about myself. I felt like someone punched me in the stomach, and was fighting so hard to hold back tears. I didn't respond.

A few days later she sent another text, saying that as soon as we stopped talking, she got a boyfriend and things were going great with him. She said that he was giving her the best sex of her life, and that I could never compare. She said she still felt bad that I would never be able to satisfy a woman. Again, I didn't respond, and just ended up blocking her.

It's been about a year, and I still think about what she said every day. It's bad enough to worry that no woman will ever be happy with your Johnson, but it's even worse when you're told that by someone you slept with. I feel humiliated and don't know what to do. I almost want to cut it off sometimes because it feels useless even having one.