I hope the title sums it up. I just hit these really low points and then start thinking about when I was a kid and how much I miss those rose colored days. Since the pandemic, my autizzy has become much more prevalent in my life in the sense that the extreme changes in environment, citizen safety and our rights as humans in general have changed so drastically in the last 5 years. It causes me to get really depressed for 2-3 days at a time and quite frequently. I have always had issues with my depression, but since the pandemic it has literally rocked my life.

Some days it's mentally paralyzing, literally, to fathom the current state of the world and then I don't do anything all day. I will sometimes cry, crawl back into bed, eat sweets all day, smoke a shit ton of weed, eat like garabage for several days in a row (all my safety foods) and cry some more. Furthermore I think it's FUCKED UP anyone expects any of us to thrive in this current society.

Some days I can manage to get cleaning down and go shopping for actual fruits and vegetables but there are times that shit rots in my fridge because I am sad. I am so sad that nothing is changing. Well, I try to remind myself it will.

When these motherfuckers pass away and we finally have a chance as millenials and older gen z to actually change the world.

But the recent extreme change has just really upset my soul in the last few years. Especially when you pair it with EVERYTHING else.