There's this grey zone, a no mans land of sorts, between the first message you send a women and the point where she wants to message you and be your gf. Its lawless, liminal space where the rules are always in flux, there's no certainty about anything and everything -every word, every impression, the timing , pace and content- is either incredibly important or doesn't matter at all. In that space you are attatched to someone you're not attatched to and triggered by someone you're compelled to be more intimate with. I haven't yet made it through this grey zone but Ive been told there's amazing things on the other side and everybody seems to end up on the otherside rather easily. To me it feels like a warzone, full of trauma, stress, anxiety and danger. Mind races from romantic idealist to pessimistic nhilist, my mood swings from hypomanic to major depression, my body turns on and off. It's hard to explain this as 33 year old man. People understand what insecurity and anxiety is but trying to explain how your body has visceral preemptive reactions that cause enough stress to cause disassociative episodes is a little harder. Im pretty sure I wont ever make it through. I hate that my body keeps compelling me to the grey zone.