Let me be clear on what i mean. So earlier today i had a woman say i was ‘being obnoxious’ when i made a comment (the comment was made in jest); i also had a woman tell me ‘i don’t participate’. Now i could take these as one-off comments, based in circumstances. But i can’t help but think/fear that it is them allowing a generalized negative opinion of me to slip out by accident. So to elaborate i can imagine the one going home and telling her husband about how obnoxious i am.

For the most part i don’t care about other people’s opinions of me, but my problem is i try so hard to fit in and mask but i feel my efforts are less than completely successful and so when people make comments like these it’s like they’re the vocal minority of the silent majority.

I fear that their statements reveal how they really feel about me and that if i weren’t autistic that comments like these would never be made about me because I’d just ‘fit in’ and ‘be like everyone else’

Idk; am i making sense? Does anyone understand? Does anyone else deal with stuff like this?

When i hear stuff like this it knocks me down on my butt every time and makes me really depressed because it feels like all the work i put in to meshing into society is a waste because everyone still knows I’m not like them. I think everyone secretly hates me, most times I’m not bothered by thoughts like this but as soon as someone says something it ‘confirms’ my suspicions; this interaction probably will ruin my weekend because I’ll obsess over how i can not be ‘obnoxious’ moving forward

Am i just a neurotic mess?