Is this relatable in any way or is this weird?

I have such a weird disconnect from my mind and my self and my body, I don't really know who I am half of the time or why I'm even mad at myself, things just seem to happen and it makes me upset because I don't have a handle on myself and I keep doing things without realizing them. People tell me that it's normal for my age or it's incredibly human not to know anything, but I've never experienced this before and none of this feels normal, I just feel like I'm confused and I can't do anything right, like failing is the only thing I can do right. It's at the point I'm starting to think maybe my autism really DOESN'T exist and I've just been labeled that way because I think differently, or it's just another way to make sense of growing up/a life that doesn't make sense, but I don't know because I've only lived this life and I feel like I'm not doing it well. Something's wrong.