I fear that my brand of autism unfortunately never allows me to be authentic or myself. I find myself constantly mimicking others in their demeanor and speech. I take on the emotions and interests of others. When a friend of mine has or experiences mental or physical illness, I find myself experiencing the same symptoms and acting and reacting in the same way thar they do (even if it's negative or destructive in some way)... It's hard for me to know sometimes who I fully am, or what I like. Sometimes, I hate being the way I am. I hate that I can recognize that I do these things but can't stop myself. It frustrates me to no end and I often feel so so sad and alone because of it.