apoligies if my question is worded poorly. idk how else to express it. allow me to explain. (tl;dr is at the bottom)

I suspect that I might have autism, adhd, or both. I hope to get properly assessed, but that is a whole challenge by itself. I also struggle with depression and social anxiety. the reasons why I think I might have autism stimming, special interests that all neatly fit in 5 or so major categories, but go into quite specific nieches, some things just need to be a certain way for me to be okay with them (I have strong feelings about cutlery, corners and textures), I often get overstimulated, especially by loud and bright environments, and I really struggle with new social environments.

the social factor is a big one for me. I‘m quite introverted, but I love being amongst people nonetheless. at least people I get along with, and feel accepted by. when I feel like I don‘t have a place or role in a group, I usually just vanish into the background.

getting to know new people is quite exhausting. while I do enjoy making friends, I have a bit of a hard time figuring out how to „file“ them. basically there‘s a file for each person in my brain that I fill with attributes and constantly revise.

let‘s take one of my coworkers as an example. he‘s quite a cliche nerd who loves computers and all related technology, anime and gaming and d&d. he‘s kind and funny and his memes are top tier. his social skills aren‘t exactly great, his way of explaining tends to confuse people rather than help them and he doesn‘t express emotions the „neurotypical“ way. he doesn’t talk about others a lot but when he does, he never says anything bad about them.

there‘s a file like this for pretty much everyone I know. based on that I act around them and ineract with them. additionally, I pay close attention to group dynamics and the overall social and/or professional setting we‘re in. if I‘m in an unfamiliar situation, I keep rather quiet and watch until I get a bit of a feeling for what‘s appropriate. when I get tired and/or overstimulated, all of this gets much harder and I often say things that don‘t exactly fit the situation or are inappropriate.

my social skills are something that I‘m quite insecure about, but they also seem to be the one thing where I can pull off the fake it till you make it approach. there even were two seperate instances of people complimenting them during the past month. it‘s really reassuring to know that the filing cabinet in my brain works. funnily enough, while people are a mystery to me, they become quite predictable once I get a bit of a feeling for the patterns they subconsciously follow.

tl;dr: I probably have autism, adhd or both (looking to get assessed). social situation are quite challenging but become managable once I get to fill each person‘s file with attributes based on their patterns of behaviour and get familiar with the overall situation and group dynamic. appearantly I have great social skills, despite being really insecure about them.

does this sound familiar to anyone of you? feel free to share your experiences.