I live in Tennessee (that's as far as I'll say). I got into a heated argument with one of my best friends last month, and when I asked another friend (whom I trust to be unbiased) to weigh in on whether or not I was being the asshole in the argument, he said he thinks something is up with me, but didn't want to say what. Just that I should think about it.

So I did... and I will be honest, I had done zero reading on autism at all. I think it just sort of... I thought about how someone once said they were autistic (an old friend), and I just didn't understand it, but then I thought about how similar we were and how well we got along, so then I was like, "Screw it, I'm looking for a quick online test. It won't be solid by any means - but it might be helpful." So I took an online (free) Autism Spectrum test... and scored "very highly likely" to be autistic.

I began reading up and watching videos from medically referenced sources and whatnot (I don't care about someone's opinion or thought-piece, I want actual data). And I just sort of... felt really stupid? And really vulnerable? Like, how could I have NEVER known? How could nobody around me have never noticed? Because the more I look into it, the more I'm like, "I have almost ALL of these traits... I am missing maybe 3 or 4 of all the ones I've heard of/read about, and I've literally gone through at least 100 by now. I also wish that were an exaggeration, but it's not...

So I did a quick search, "How much does a diagnosis cost". Turns out, casually, it's between $1500 and $3000.... let me be clear - I am very poor. Like, I haven't bought anything for myself in over 4 months beyond a single meal a month, maybe two, and basically just live like a shut-in on the effort of my girlfriend and mother... the last 2 jobs I had I became so overwhelmed during my shifts that I just freaked out into a full-blown anxiety attack, hyperventilating and sobbing at the same time, and then hated myself for not being able to finish my shift or whatever. I just walked out. That was another sign to myself I think...

Anyways... is there ANY kind of assistance in this sort of situation? Does an official diagnosis even really help me with anything? I've been looking for a job for... literally 9 months now, and I have only been interviewed by 2 places, and otherwise have received zero callbacks... I'm very professional and very intelligent, and I have a great looking resume (besides, the huge gap in time of when I haven't worked), but... anyways, yeah, I'm just looking for any kind of help at all. I have no idea where to start, and honestly, I feel far too anxious and intimidated and scared to even try to start.