My [21] brother [19] has been diagnosed with autism when he was around four years old because he was nonverbal. Obviously teachers picked up on this and he was sent for testing. Surprise surprise, he has autism. As I was young at the time I don't recall him having any treatment or therapies to aid his struggles. I remember him having sensory issues, he had a speech impediment, he lined his toys up, chairs, anything really. Lots of the usual autism things basically. My siblings and I knew that he was different (I'm the eldest and he's second eldest) but we just went with it. I was bullied at school because I had a weird brother and he was mocked and harassed by his peers. They called him the r word. My mother would use the same word on me when I did certain things and I knew that it was a bad word. My father called him a fgot for having T-Rex hands and he constantly told him mean things to get him to stop his behaviors. As I grew older and my interest in psychology blossomed I eventually figured out that he had autism. My mother and the doc were talking about how he got it from the vaccines he had as a child. Huh??? I asked her outright and she said that he did have autism but to be quiet about it.

Fast-forward a few years, I'm now in college studying behavioral sciences. I'm gonna keep this brief because it's a whole thing on it's own, but I brought up suspicions of having ADHD to my therapist. I passed the test of course, but he had more to say. There was a very very high chance that I was autistic too. After some discussion, I am autistic. I'm not formally diagnosed though. Of course there came crisis with that. Enough on that. My brother has since graduated high school and has become depressed because he has no direction for his life. I tried to help him to no avail. After discussion with my counselor I confronted my dad and tried to explain that autism isn't just a fancy label you could ignore. He isn't very educated so I tried my best with explaining and after hiding my own 'diagnosis' for almost a year, I told him. Naturally he didn't see any issues because him highly masked. I explained that I present differently because I'm female.

One day after an argument about the matter, he called my brother in and I explained to him what was up. But the issue now is he doesn't accept it. All his life it's been shoved down his throat that he's a 'normal boy' and whenever any issues came up my parents swept it under the rug. He missed crucial years of high school because of Covid-19 so he slipped under the radar there in terms of self discovery and personal development. Now that he's almost 20 and can't land a spot in school or a job, my dad donned me with the responsibility of teaching him about autism, showing him how it affects him, how he could work with himself, doing up his resume, getting him a job and all that good stuff. But how am I to do that? Since I'm female and my situation as a hidden autistic is different I have no idea how to navigate any of this or how to educate him. All my attempts get thrown back with strong defense and denial. I'm scared that the day he does end up out in the world he'd be hit hard with reality and he'd spiral. He's already a bit depressed and is realizing that he's different. He feels left out among my siblings and I because we all are heading somewhere but he isn't. He feels stuck. I feel like I'm going crazy. I feel so burdened and I have no real life support especially since my mother and 99% of people in my life don't know I'm autistic too. They likely don't know he's autistic because my parents insist he's 'normal'. Their words btw. Ahhh I'm stuck.