I'm unemployed. I have found every job I tried extremely painful or soul crushing. I think that gets thrown around a lot. I mean that: - As a security guard on a college campus, I saw newbie adults destroying themselves with alcohol, witnessed people puking, fainting, leaving their dorms on stretchers, etc. Just completely vile stuff that'll make you never want to drink again if you do. - As a pizza delivery driver, I saw some of the most depressing neighborhoods. I even delivered to a halfway house. And I was only exploited more by getting less free time for being good at it. No reward and it was NOT worth the cost of gas or vehicle maintenance! - I worked at a call center for a Big Tobacco company, and almost all the calls were depressing. You can imagine. Elderly people with tracheas or clear breathing problems asking for coupons for the substances that are killing them. - I worked for my wife's startup but they didn't know what to do with me since I wasn't a programmer. Well they told me that, I was a writer for them at the time, now they have hired additional writers who aren't me instead of hiring me back. That company is insane and gives her such regular mental breakdowns that even she's finally working on an exit. Even though it was her first and only job since college and she's terrified. And she's a senior dev making all the money. That's how bad this company is being run. - I've been pet sitting but tbh I hate it. I hate meetings and driving all over town. Hated the early morning and late night visits. I've gotten burnt out in terms of being interested in pets. It's also not enough to ever make a living off of.

You know what I did today was go to the movies and watched YT videos and painted for myself and I loved it and I wish that every day of my life could be this fun and carefree... But I'm expected to work. I'm not allowed to just live.