This will likely be a long post so be prepared.

About 8 months ago I started to seriously consider that I may have autism. I get overstimulated (and overwhelmed due to overstimulation) easily, I have intense social anxiety, I’ve learned to deal with this anxiety by masking (which I know just makes it worse), I often have a hard time picking up social cues and it can be impossible for me to not take things seriously. I’m extremely hard on myself on top of all of this.

A few weeks ago I went to a local meetup where Aaron Orsini, founder of Autistic Psychedelic, was presenting. How psychedelics have helped him was fascinating to learn about, but the most touching thing for me was just being in a room full of autistic folks. I could not believe how much I resonated with his experiences as well as the experiences of those in the audience who asked questions/told their own stories. These were my people!!! I finally saw there were other real people out there (and not too far!!) who have similar experiences as I do. I felt understood and was so thankful for everyone sharing their experiences.

Up until that evening I had been scared to self diagnose because I was worried about how this label could hold me back and box me in. But after this meeting I felt the opposite, that having a self diagnosis could actually help me hold my experiences in a more real/accepting way.

So now what? I guess this is always the question….now what?

I’m very interested in working with my autism (which I guess is the same as myself), in a compassionate and wise way. I was inspired when, nearing the end of his presentation, Aaron said something like, “ok, my social meter is starting to get real low so I’m going to start wrapping up.” What an honest, simple and real way to express what he needed, and he was able to do so in a room full of people…awesome! Others in the room shared that they wear ear buds or headphones most places they go to tone down overstimulation. A lot of the people there mentioned how they try their best to shape their lives based on what they need as an autistic person, rather than letting the world shape them (obviously easier said than done).

These things feel so hard for me because I’m so embarrassed to have to do things (like wear headphones) when “normal” people don’t. It’s apparent to me that this embarrassment just adds to how difficult trying to fit in can be, especially in a world that caters to non-autistic people.

I guess I’m just curious about what your path of accepting autism and everything that comes with it has looked like. What things in your life do you do differently knowing that you have autism. And how do you deal with the shame/embarrassment that may come with doing things differently.

Thanks in advance ❤️