I’ve noticed undeniably… that my autism symptoms increase (in obviousness) in response to stress.

Confrontations tend to increase, even due to issues that were originally… logistical planning mistakes on the part of other people. People react adversely (very aggressively) to my tone and nonverbal communication despise my absolute best efforts to “appear calm”: obviously no one will be calm 100% of the time but the results of appearing stressed in my demeanour seem to really punish me a lot more than other people without autism.

I’ll work what I’m saying in a completely non confrontational way or do my best to, yet the responses I’ll get bear almost no relation (listening is just not being engaged in by the other person…) to what I actually SAID.

And these results tend to go on the increase when lack of sleep or lack of time off work is a factor for me. But at the same time, it’s not realistic for someone to tell me to simply “work less” when I’m on such a low income to begin with.

In Australia where I live, we have the NDIS: National Disability Insurance Scheme. And I was assisted with applying for it and I received it. Yet when I planned in my head what would be required to actually use these psychology sessions and occupational therapy sessions that have been covered and funded for me, I immediately realised that I’d need to consistently take time off work in order to use these services being funded for me.

That time off work translates to more than just the time “in session” with the service provider (occupational therapist or psychologist): it also includes commute time, whatever way you actually do that, traffic and simply physical distance will be involved.

This then expands the time off I’d be physically required to take… by TRIPLE because of the commute there AND then back again. That effect of the overall time off required to utilise disability support service financially provisioned for… the amounts to: approximately half a DAY per instance of that service being used.

You then multiply this by… only two service types per week utilised (psychology, occupational therapy) and then you double what I’ve just broken down mathematically: the “half day” then expands to… a FULL day off and that’s ONLY to attend services, not to actually have “downtime” which is critical for me personally and I imagine a LOT of other people on the spectrum who have impaired stress tolerance capacity and basically just “need a breather/me time etc”, whatever terminology you prefer.

This one full day a week physically required to attend the services meant to improve management of your disability then becomes a significant factor in… keeping you financially poor AND unskilled (this time spent with therapists is also time taken away from study time required to get a more suitable occupation which is more accommodating to your neurological disability.

With all of this in mind, to me personally this is one of the biggest reasons why disability service funding just isn’t well thought out as to the bigger picture effects on the person’s life who the services are being allocated for.

Now, given that the name of the government program I’m referring to is an “insurance scheme”, then the funds could probably be used differently but most likely what would be required and “what it would ultimately take” is for “data” and “evidence” to be gathered and collected that involves more than just me as one person and therefore demonstrates a clear pattern as to “discouraging or preventing (confounding) factors” towards fully and properly accessing services already funded but not being used, thereby resulting in wasted funding.

Realistically, the MOST practically reasonable time and timing for me to actually access and use these services is when I’m not on a low income and have an employer who doesn’t manage workplace attendance literally by the hour and even 15 minute interval block as is standard and default with service based, wage paying jobs. This means… an office/desk job.

Hence why, overall I just can’t justify spending my precious energy when I’m already feeling burned out, on occupational therapy and psychology which, compared to completing a new occupationally related, workplace qualification, provide absolutely no guarantee of a) getting a new and BETTER paid job and b) improving my quality of life AND work-life balance which I currently have virtually none of.