I'm in Illinois. In 2019 I applied for benefits (and was denied but failed to make the 9am appeal meeting - I have insomnia and sleep disturbances!) shortly after learning I had PTSD in December of 2018 in therapy, thinking "aha, that's it, that's why I had 10 years of nothing but trouble and struggle after struggle with college and jobs!"

Ok but my PTSD therapist didn't know squat about autism, basically. So the possibility, when brought up, was shot down, but that judgment I know now to be based on incomplete information and stereotyping.

Anyway, more recently, I discovered I actually am autistic, after doing more of my own research, doing multiple online tests made by real psychologists (looked for the most scientifically legitimate looking ones I could find online for free), and tracking my own experiences with what I considered symptoms.

Eventually I got to see a great therapist who, being autistic himself, was able to recognize my autism, and relate to me. And when he gave me two autism tests I scored autistic on both of them. So that basically nailed it down for me.

Ok so autism and PTSD are both the explanation for my college and job troubles, despite my apparent brilliance at certain tasks. My main issues are:

• interviews, verbal and Zoom phone calls, and verbal conversational meetings are always a hassle, and always causes me a ton of anxiety beforehand, so I want to minimize them as much as possible, but so many workplace cultures seem so chatty, and so many jobs seem to require an ability to suffer banal chitchat that I just do not have in me. I basically am not capable of customer service or customer-facing positions.
• finding the sensory environment of the workplace either too noisy or too dull
• getting bored easily, wanting to wander or meander, or taking walks to collect my thoughts or as a break when stressed (you're just not going to use discipline tactics to keep me inside the same building all day, push it too hard and I seriously consider making my exit out a window)
• I cannot lift enough or handle manual labor jobs' physical requirements (and certainly can't persist in a physical job)
• I cannot handle environments that are too hot or too cold. I absolutely refuse to work in a place without an HVAC system. Lots of manual or trade school jobs I may enjoy are disqualified by this; why do they expect people to work in 100 degree places with no AC, even when it causes deaths?
• As an AFAB person, I think the macho bullshit workplace culture in many places puts me off from even applying, everywhere from big oil to big tech has a bit of a dick-wave-y culture problem. Look being sensitive and intuitive and caring about art and love doesn't make me less of an employee, but look how any hint of any feminine trait is met with such hate/derision in these kinds of workplaces.
• I'm highly ethical and opinionated about ethics. Which makes me think I should probably be working for the state (but I think the state is an imperialist police state with only an illusion of democracy, so eh...?) or a nonprofit (but many of them suck and have sucky labor practices like Goodwill, an evil organization exploiting the disabled)
• I don't mask anymore, or I mask a lot less, since the pandemic. I was so happy during the pandemic. All I did was get high on edibles and listen to audiobooks or read or tidy up my room or do art all day. And I fucking loved it. I gave up many habits during that time that I no longer ever wish to take up again, even though they might make me more competitive in a job search. Such as shaving or trimming my facial hair (AFABs are expected to have baby-smooth faces dontchaknow and that's not a ridiculous expectation with nothing to do with a job candidate's abilities?) A lot of these habits just seem like a lot of effort that's not worth it anymore - plus if I mask, I get exhausted and angry quickly. Masking is not "curing" autism. It's pretending to be neurotypical (and conforming to neurotypical standards/expectations of your behavior, dress, and mannerisms), at great personal cost.
• I'm not driven, I'm not competitive, and I'm not interested in any workplace that wants to force me to pretend to be. (Also fuck the fake enthusiasm and pats on the back; it's a business, for adults, not a middle school pep squad.)
• Given that, the idea of wfh or launching my own business seems a bit out of reach. I've tried many wfh options but lack the qualifications and patience to do most wfh jobs I find on boards like Indeed.
• I don't think I can handle doing the same thing for more than 2 hours.
• My interests are in the humanities and fine arts, but I was never able to complete an advanced degree in those areas, nor have I been able to make money as a writer or artist online. It's difficult because I like so many things and don't want to stay stuck committed to any particular genre/style forever. But if you become a "content creator" that means getting an audience hooked on some endless stream of similar content that audience demands - which doesn't seem fulfilling.

It bothers me a lot that while all these things contribute to my potential inability to work, the things the SSA's website lists as proving your inability to work (they're examples so not an exhaustive list that couldn't exist, but still...) - are mostly physical.

I don't have to work. I want my own income though, because I don't want my wife to have to financially support me and we both agree that it puts a lot of stress on an otherwise great relationship. (Last year I was working a gig job, pet sitting, and made around 3k only though, barely worth it when you count all the driving and I got in a wreck, causing my wife to have to replace my car, cost me/my wife 9k, so I basically netted negative 6k last year, during a year of fairly intense hard work.)

I have no idea how to navigate the confusing SS system and frankly it seems scary?

That's why I kind of would like advice about how to figure out if it's possible for me to have a job, if so what, how do I find that out, and then what should I do to get on disability? Also, my therapist is the one who diagnosed me. Is a therapist a medical professional? Do I need a doctor. Where I live, the GPs are absolute morons. They know nothing about autism, don't have to learn about it in their training at all. So needing a Dr. instead of my trusted therapist seems a bit bassackwards.

This process is a frustrating hell...