How can I respectfully bring his attention to his unhealthy patterns? I feel like he usually just reacts to whatever he feels in the moment, regardless of the long-term outcome, which is obviously really hard to deal with as a partner. We were supposed to move in together, and it was a constant push and pull until he just finally said no and we broke up. The possibility of living with me gave him anxiety, but the possibility of not being with me gave him anxiety too. So he was always going back and forth and refused to discuss his feelings with me about it. He kept telling me he wanted to move in, then he found excuses to keep delaying the date, but refused to admit they were just excuses. That's one of the things I found so frustrating: because he just wants to avoid his feelings, he doesn't admit how he feels to himself either. He just reacts so he won't feel that way anymore, even if it's not what he wants in the end, and finds whatever excuse he can to justify his actions as being logical.

I have compassion for him, but at the same time he'll always be struggling until he deals with his feelings in more healthy ways, and I wish I could somehow help him with that. But I don't want him to feel like there's something wrong with him, because I know he's doing his best too. How can I gently point this out without overwhelming him? What are some things DAs really hate being told?

I don't want to scare him away, but wherever life takes him, I want him to be able to make choices based on what he truly wants, not just a reaction to whatever he feels at the moment.

I know I have a part in the relationship going south, but I actually tried to deal with my issues while we were in a relationship, and I don't know how I could've tried better. I would be definitely interested to hear his thoughts on that though.