No, he's not doing any therapy at all. It's not fair, but it is what it is. I'm working on not reacting immediately to every anxious thought I have, to giving him space when he gets upset, but also to stand up for myself and not take certain things for granted. My hope is that once he sees all the progress I'm making he's going to be less stubborn about future discussions. We haven't had an aoccasion to test anything out right now but I used to get really "activated" during discussions and wanted to resolve things right away, and wanted to make things ok right away. My plan is next time we don;t see eye to eye is to calmly state my opinion and what I want and let him know that I'm willing to discuss things when he's ready and simply walk away. No more chasing after him to resolve issues or get him to tell me he's ok with me or anything like that. I think once he sees that I'm not going to buckle and freak out and beg when he does the silent treatment he'll realize that it's not a viable option for moving forward anymore.

That's how I hope it'll play out anyways.

See I don't get that vibe from my husband at all about not being attracted if I depend on him. I was a stay at home mom for the almost 11 years of the 16. And one of the issues that came up in our therapy was the fact that he wants to screen all my friendships before I start going out with people bc I'm too innocent and I don't realize how bad people are and something might happen to me. Obviously, not all his issues stem from being DA, but this presented a big problem since I was and am working on being more independent so that I wouldn't be to attached or needy, but I get the feeling that he sees that as a threat to the relationship or the status quo.

I couldn’t read the article beyond the first few paragraphs, but like I said I’m taking a wait and see approach right now. I’m accepting my part in all of the drama that happened and am working on me, and I guess with time we will see if he’ll come around to working on his own issues once he sees that I’m taking ownership of my own.

No, but he did show me the bank account statements (and there was nothing out of the ordinary). He stopped doing therapy because he felt it was hurting us. He doesn't understand why we should discuss our talk about our issues as it makes him really uncomfortable and he completely breaks down. That was a month ago. We're doing better bc I've been working on myself so that is helping immensely but we haven't had another occasion where we are at odds and need to work something out so I haven't been able to gauge how much he's gotten out of the entire experience. I'm much more at peace now bc I'm working on my issues regardless, but like I said we haven't had a chance to test out the waters.