Been doing some soul-searching and I realized guys I really got along with and wanted to be friends with made me feel super uneasy, and I didn't feel like myself around them. I wondered if it was an attraction I have no problem with gay and bi people so it didn't bother me if I was bi, but the odd part was I'm drawn to super feminine women with soft features, so I didn't understand why I so nervous around these guys.

I've been hit on by gay men countless times while I was a bartender and I didn't have any interest, and the thought of doing anything with someone’s manhood doesn't excite me.

One thing all these guys had in common was they were confident and I perceived them to be cool, and I naturally got along with them. I think the main fear was looking dumb or lame around them. I’m starting to think this fear of looking dumb around them is just some FA shit.

It’s ironic I read a shit ton of FA/DA post to understand my ex better but I just ended related to the post.

Now I wonder if that uncomfortable feeling I had around them is how she felt around me.