You may have met me on the street indicator or at a neighborhood festival. You would never have picked up on anything unusual about me on that day.I’m confident and straight acting in public. At times a leader. People look up to me. A stereotypical “average guy”. You would never pick me out as someone who would be anything but a boring average dude.

However, in a one-on-one setting, when a dominant man or woman challenges me, my instincts are very different. I feel an urge to seek safety and avoid conflict. The emotion I feel is not fear exactly - maybe a cousin to fear. In those situations, it’s like a switch turns on (or off?) and I suddenly find myself feeling obedient and submissive.

But it’s more than just a “submissive” feeling. It’s a deep vulnerability…

I become extremely susceptible to manipulation. Something most people never pick up on or take advantage of. Only a few people in my life have triggered and seen this side of me. A part even I myself do not fully understand. The feeling confuses me but is undeniable.

I’m not sure if I temporarily become submissive or if submissive is my natural state and the confident version of me is the temporary version of me.

When this happens, I sexualize the emotions internally and almost instantly snap into a more feminine personality. I feel meek, docile, and obedient. I become willing to do almost anything to please the person who’s challenged me.

As you read this you may be thinking “maybe he’s gay/trans/etc and just doesn’t know it?”. But it’s more complicated than that. I am not attracted to men. Not physically or romantically. At least I don’t think I am.

I don’t ever look at a guy out on the street and have any desires for him. I don’t have a “type” as far as appearance goes. I never feel any emotional or romantic connection to a man. I’ve never kissed a man and have no desire to do so. But I’ve knelt at a man’s feet and sucked his dick. I’ve swallowed cum. I’ve been bent over the back of a sofa and taken cock up my ass. I’ve given a lot of men pleasure. Almost exclusively without reciprocation.

This is something that I first experienced in college, though I wasn’t as accepting and comfortable with it at the time. My college experience was somewhere in the gray area between consensual and non-consensual. I don’t even remember his name now, but if I were to meet him again I would thank him for forcing that door open for me. For showing me what I am capable of. For breaking me.

Since then I have had a handful more experiences submitting to dominant men. Mostly these situations I’ve carefully screened and sought out. A couple of men have been repeats over a period of years, but usually infrequently, perhaps every 3 or 4 months. Some like to think of me as another man simply giving sexual pleasures. Others have been more demeaning and used derogatory and sometimes feminine names for me. I find that I prefer being treated in a derogatory way.

These collective experiences have led me to better understand how enjoyable this experience can be for me. To completely let go and let a man use me for his sexual pleasure. I enjoy allowing my body to be used without consideration for my own pleasure. I no longer rebuff condescending and derogatory remarks. I absorb them and incorporate them into my service as a pleasure vessel. I welcome this objectification as I become a sexual commodity.

I’m not certain what label would fit me. Perhaps I am a sissy? I’ve crossdressed a few times. Primarily because it gave the man who was fucking me greater pleasure to fuck me in a dress. I do enjoy the feminine feelings, but I don’t feel like I’m really a woman inside. I am sure that I am not trans, but I am willing to be more feminine to please a dominant man.

If you’ve gotten this far and you are interested in getting to know me, please inbox me.