I’m a bit like Gimli from (only taller) Lord of the Rings if you managed to hold him down long enough to get a decent haircut. Big eyebrows, usually rocking a beard, enough longsleeve button-downs & flannel in my wardrobe to qualify for the term ‘lumbersnack’…

I’m a big dude. Balls deep into the ‘weight loss journey’ but still slimming down. I’m stocky but chubby.

I’m well equipped- I hesitate to say BWC because I’m not hitting any homers out of the Battery with it, but I will definitely hit bottom, and stretch out the sides.

I’m independent, confident, and financially secure - I’m not looking to subsidize anyone’s way of life, but you don’t have to worry about me selling your pets for food.

I have this epic super power called ‘disposable income’ and no kids so I spend my free time doing all those NERDY as fuck things I couldn’t do when I was younger.:

DragonCon, Renaissance Fairs, Tucson Fossil & Mineral show, Roundtop Antiques festival, Fossil hunting trips to Morocco, Oktoberfest in Münich, Meteorite hunting in Arizona, regional burns, Frolicon, camping retreats,🤿 trips to Thailand… Next up probably the Mongolian Monkey Run.

Speaking of travel, I’ve lived all over the world. Vietnam, Australia, Germany, Argentina, Antarctica… 50 countries - I’ll probably retire overseas when I’m older. I’d be a digital nomad if I didn’t have a mortgage.

I have road-tripped a thousand miles just for a story about a legendary sandwich, steakhouse, cinnamon roll, or cheese-castle (Wisconsin anyone?). I love seeing what is over the next hill. No passenger Princess please. If you’re coming with you’ve got responsibility! (Navigating, playlists, pod casts, road snacks, and road head!)

D/s wise I’m on the left side of the equation but haven’t had a proper sub or slave in years. By today’s terminology I’d be a pleasure Dom with a light to medium protocol, and gusts of servitude. I’m not looking for BDSM, but it’s always a fun option.

If you’re still reading this Star Wars opening scene level wall of text, I applaud you.

I’m looking for a woman who has to use duct tape, gorilla glue and prayer to keep all those epic slutty secrets in their closet from busting like Harry Potter’s Hogwarts acceptance letter burying the Dursley house. You can dodge cumshots like Neo and bullets in the Matrix. You can handle cock like Bruce Lee at a Numchucks convention…

I want a woman who knows how to have a good time. You’re confident, you know what you need to live, survive, and THRIVE. You know how to be happy, and how to persevere in adversity.

I’m completely exhausted with the ‘tried and true’ method of meeting people of similar backgrounds and interests only to discover our sexual needs are wildly out of sync. Also; State of Georgia - WTAF man. 30 year old virgins … I thought they were a myth. Like land mines of drama littering the landscape.

I’m not looking for a FWB, and I don’t mind a slow burn. I’m looking for something real with someone who acknowledges and celebrates their past, and has done all the work (therapy) to strengthen and support themselves. I did this - So I’m sure you have too. Hopefully we share some similar nerdy pursuits.

Bonus points for brunettes and redheads. I don’t mind if the carpets don’t match the drapes - I crave hardwood floors.

Curvy/thicc is much desired. I like a big girl. Height/Weight proportional; Amazons - I’m talking’ She-hulk. Death by snu snu is a lovely way to go. So if “Hulk Smash!” Is what you say right before you cum - I think you’re the girl for me.

I know ya’ll are out there. Shoot me DM/chat, and let’s grab a bite.

*I’m shooting for monogamy but I’m open to poly as long as everyone is playing safe and on the same page.

**cis-women only, apologies I’m old fashioned.

*** No kids - I envision a glorious DINK future.