This is addressed primarily to men but it's M4R so anyone can read it.
I'm posting this because the popular narrative is that men aren't emotionally intelligent and don't create safe spaces to feel their emotions. So this post is a safe space for any men to express how it feels trying to find some sort of connection now.
I've been on reddit on and off for almost a decade. I've actually had success on various r4r boards and even atlantar4r. I wouldn't say it was easy per se but it was definitely possible to hop on here and make a connection.
Since covid this has gotten substantially more difficult. It is explicitly less possible to connect with anyone ESPECIALLY women. These subs are assaulted with bots, sellers, people trying to scam nudes off straight guys and time wasters.
If you don't get those... it's just defeaning silence. The few women who actually are here mostly lurk and wait for their white whale. Lol nothing wrong with that.
You can write an in-depth well thought out and solid post or message just to be met with nothing. It's a really really shitty feeling. And it's not like you can go to dating apps because they are arguably worse.
Constant, incessant/persistant rejection is not fun. Its not something you can bury your feelings about or "suck it up". It stays with you. You get to a point where you're tired of trying and the idea of being a monk or eunuch steadily grows each day. You feel deeply alone in simple desires so why not have the physical match the internal.
Some of the worst of it is when people who receive hundreds of messages within minutes of posting try to tell you what's wrong with you... or how your feelings are invalid... or try to center themselves when you're just trying to express a feeling you're having.
We are a hotwife couple active in atlantar4r for the last 5 years. We’ve met over 150 people from posting on this subreddit. While we don’t get 100s of replies each time we post here, we get enough to be able to make a successful connection.
Having said that, we have noticed a shift since Covid. The responses are fewer and the follow-through is less. I’m not sure if men are giving up in this subreddit or if they’ve simply found a better way to connect.
Your feelings are valid. Rejection is rampant and it sucks. Our perspective is different than yours because we are a couple seeking single men for casual hookups so we are usually the ones telling people we aren’t interested and that doesn’t feel good either. We can’t say yes to everyone or even a majority of people who write us. We can’t carry on conversations with people due to the sheer volume of replies. So we look for people who match a look she’s seeking in the moment with good social skills. The rest either get no reply or a simple rejection.
If it’s any consolation, we’ve met guys at parties or on other apps who told us they tried to connect with us and were turned down, only to be accepted a few weeks or months later under different circumstances. Sometimes what we’re seeking today is not what we’re seeking tomorrow. So while I’m not sure what your agenda is on this or other subreddits I encourage you to keep trying. It’s hard to not be discouraged when the rejection seems endless but it’s part of the game.
FYI, I’m the man in this hotwife relationship and I also throw my hat in the ring when other women or hot wives post here. I’ve never been accepted once, not in 5 years. And I know I’m not a bad looking dude. So I get it.
Anyway, I appreciate your thoughtful post and wanted to give a thoughtful reply. I hope I didn’t distract from your point too much.
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