as i’m writing this, i’ve got a huge headache and i just came from stupid fucking church school, so sorry if there isn’t much context and grammar is total shit

i’ve been (and currently am) raised catholic by my mother and stepfather. we go to church every sunday and on christian holidays, and i go to an after-school bible study on wednesdays. i’ve been contemplating my religion for about a year, maybe a year and a half, and i’ve come to the conclusion that i believe in none of the bullshit.

naturally, i want to politely tell my mom and stepdad that i’d like to be excluded from everything religious, but i’m honestly scared to. i can say that they’re not the most involved in the church, but they’re firm believers in the religion. i don’t want my mother to come to the conclusion that somehow the media and my phone has rotted my brain or something. i can already see it, she’s yelling at me for actually coming to my senses and snapping out of the bullshit. i’m just some stupid 14 year old kid that doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

here’s where i come to gain a little hope, though. i came out to my mother as transgender (let’s not get into the conversation of whether or not children can know if they’re transgender or not, i just ask you to respect me. i am mtf if that gives a little clarity, so my mother still refers to me as female), and she actually seemed pretty supportive. she’s let me cut my hair, i have more guys clothing, and i really don’t think i’ve ever been happier. i have a hunch that she also knows i’m bisexual, but i haven’t explicitly told her, but i’d like to think she knows and supports me. her church is pretty homophobic, so knowing this, she might oppose some of their views.

don’t get me wrong, i have nothing wrong with religious people as long as they’re not complete dicks. hell, i implore people to seek out religion of it genuinely makes them happy. but it doesn’t bring that satisfaction to me. i don’t want to live in constant fear of some sky daddy who’s watching my every action, slowly becoming more anxious because anything i do can upset him.

either she’s going to fully support me as an atheist, or she’s not going to at all. i have confirmation classes next year, so i’m going to have to spill the beans soon anyways because there’s no way i’m being confirmed. do you guys have any advice?

edit for a little more info: another reason why i’m scared is because i’ve seen so many people share their stories of being thrown out for their religious beliefs, and it makes me a little paranoid. it’s terrifying, i don’t have many people to run to. i don’t know my dad’s views on religion (nor my grandpa), my grandma and other grandpa are also very religious, my best friend is very christian, and i have really one person i can run to (another friend), but i don’t know him too well and i don’t think his family could even support me. aaaa