I am a third-year astrophysics PhD student specializing in star formation and working on observations. To provide some context, during my undergraduate studies, I engaged in purely theoretical work on pulsating variable stars, which involved extensive coding—a task I enjoyed (I modeled stellar evolutionary tracks and pulsations of Cepheids and RR Lyraes). When applying to graduate schools, my preference was to work with a theorist; I had no interest in observational astronomy.

At the institution where I am pursuing my PhD, I was unable to collaborate with a professor who focused on theoretical work in my first year due to funding limitations or a mismatch in research interests (e.g. they do cosmology, and/or astroparticle physics while I prefer something within stellar astrophysics and exoplanets). Consequently, I ended up affiliating with a newly hired assistant professor who specializes in observations within star formation. Despite this, my passion for observations has not developed: I am disinterested in using the campus observatory, engaging with advanced telescopes, or taking advanced observational astronomy courses. Much of my project involves making sense of stellar spectra we obtained but I have no enthusiasm for it. I only have an interest in knowing basic observational astronomy so if I were to hang out casually with friends and family during the night or do outreach, I can point out things in the night sky and operate a very basic/amateur telescope. The truth is that I am not comfortable being called an 'observer' and my heart belongs to theory and computational astrophysics.

My research does not require me to perform observations or travel to an observatory. I do not need to collect new observational data; instead, I analyze existing data. However, I have no interest/enthusiasm/motivation towards the experimental design of my project, pipelines, nor trying to understand the possible astrophysical effects impacting my stellar spectra. It feels like an immense chore to even open up the codes to my research and figure out what's happening in my spectra or if the pipeline I used reduced the data correctly.

I used to believe that maybe I just needed to learn some more/get up to speed about my subfield and then I would develop an interest in it. I also used to believe my issues with self-doubt and anxiety were holding me back (which they were). However, after addressing both of these things (literature review, studying textbooks, and talking to my therapist for several sessions), I now believe I lack enthusiasm/motivation simply because I have been forcing myself to be interested in observational astronomy. That's not to say I have no interest in star formation - I am more interested in the theoretical studies/simulations that I have read in the literature than the observations and I do not care about doing the nitty-gritty of making sense of my observed data. I would also like to learn some ML/AI and incorporate it into my career.

I should mention I have no major issues with my advisor. Personality-wise, I do not think I could ask for a better advisor. They are kind, and patient and offer positive reinforcement, which has been incredibly helpful during my time before candidacy when I was dealing with self-doubt, anxiety, and impostor syndrome. Their enthusiasm for their subfield is also somewhat infectious and I do not find them toxic at all.

By this point, I had fulfilled my department's coursework requirements and passed my candidacy exam, but I failed my research proposal presentation on the first attempt last month. My advisory committee cited concerns over my lack of progress as the main reason. My committee is asking me to present a well-developed paper draft and a second oral presentation by May 2024.

Everything I have mentioned here I have also shared with my advisor last week. They told me it was normal to have doubts and to check in with myself. My advisor suggested I take some time this month to think and reflect on my bigger career goals and encouraged me to perhaps reach out to people who do theory/computational work that I may be interested in.

There is only one other person at my institution who does theoretical/computational astrophysics I may be interested in. They design computer simulations to understand planet formation. Although they work in a different department (Earth and Planetary Science) I prefer stellar astrophysics, they are someone I am considering working with and I am thinking about meeting them this week to ask more about their work, if they are hiring students, get a sense of their personality and maybe ask for a trial project.

Would it be a good idea for me to slog through my current project with my advisor, or would it be in my best interest to switch advisors and have the chance to work on a computational project, which aligns more with my interests?

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