Any time in my life I have messed up or upset someone close to me I feel haunted by the affects far long after it's taken place. I go over it in my head over and over again on how things should/could have gone.

It takes over my days and my mind, I can't focus on anything but the conflict and the reprecussions after. It ruins my days everyday, I feel like a loser and failure and don't think I deserve anything good after my mistakes. The perception someone once had of me gets tarnished to the point of borderline hatred for me I can not make amends with feels physically painful.

I'm not sure how to move forward because the thoughts of doom linger over me like a rain cloud.

I'm afraid to try and make new connections because I fear I'll mess up again and the cycle will repeat.