I am on here and it seems like even thou a lot of ppl were diagnosed later in life they still kind of… knew themselves? And their needs kind of and interests.

Did anyone grow up with an adverse childhood incl parents that neglected and abused them and you just don’t know your own needs & don’t understand yourself?

I’m nearly 30 getting tested now and it made me realise how adverse my childhood was. To me, it wasn’t the obvious adverse childhood cos there was constant yelling and threats of violence but not much acting on it and had men constantly crossing boundaries but I’m guessing I had that kind of abuse before I could talk or when I was starting too. My dad was really creepy towards me.

The ignorance was pretty blissfully ignorant cos I was like ‘if I just keep trying’. Now I have just been flooded with sadness about little me going through so much and now understanding why. It was easier to get out of down times before but now that I’m so much older, onto my third mental breakdown taking 6 months to start to slowly wiggle out of I feel more helpless.

Too broke to fund myself getting support cos I’m not working, too anxious and not ok to work (although I did find a place that can support me to work a little bit again), people being weird around me now that I’m far too burned out to mask and I’m so unwell that I just can’t, I’m looking for new pals (queer pals cos I just came out) but worried I won’t be accepted. Reconnecting with my old friends and I love them and they accept me for the most part but I don’t know how they’ll go with new me that was masking in the past and I just don’t know how to interact now, especially when I would like a bit of support or someone to talk to.

I’m in this confusing spot with my mum cos she obvs neglected me but she has changed a bit now but she’s older like near 70 and wants to support me but I honestly think she can’t from her own adverse childhood and she can’t get herself together let alone help me. She’s trying though and for the first time just this I was like oh she does love me in her own unfortunate way.

Reddit has been my safe space and I’m so scared to go out and meet humans in real life cos even so many people with ASD or other mental health issues still went to uni and still somewhat healed themselves and I’m sure they struggled and still do but still made pretty fulfilling lives for themselves.

There’s a big mountain for me to cross to get better and live with a bit more ease but it’ll take so much work and I’m so burned out. I just wanted to find my place in the world and do some good for others but I can barely do good for myself lol.