I grew up watching my narcissistic parents emotionally abuse my drug addicted sister (and neglect me), and I remember thinking from a young age "I will be different from them when I am older." I studied psychology in school and on my own I also learned about ethics and social justice. Because of this, I feel I have a high level of emotional intelligence, empathy, and communicative ability. I basically raised myself and taught myself how to be a good person. I do really well in relationships with people who are the same way.

However, I have struggled a lot in relationships with people who do not have such knowledge/ability. What was difficult about this was that I always expected that they should be able to do these things, and that they would be able to if I explained what they need to do. For example, I can set aside my own ego and be receptive to feedback if someone tells me I've hurt their feelings. Then I can simply apologize and change my behavior. But some people will get defensive at any hint of criticism, even if it is skillfully delivered.

Before, I would think that I could "fix" someone like this by telling them that it is normal to accidentally hurt others in relationships, and we need to be able to listen when we do this, and it will be okay as long as we take responsibility and change the behavior. I guess I thought they could learn this way because I genuinely just read this stuff in books and then taught myself to apply it in my own life and was successful.

Now, after meeting many people who do not have such abilities, I've realized that most people actually do not have the capacity to learn to do this (and they certainly won't learn just by being told by me what to do). Most people just react to things automatically and follow unhealthy patterns their parents modeled for them without thinking about what is the right or most healthy approach.

I used to think that maybe I was being egotistical in assuming that my way was the best way, so I gave people too much leeway to act immaturely and selfishly. Now I realize that they are just not really trying to be good people or improve themselves, and they don't want to learn.

I can say based on years of evidence that I have an advanced ability in this regard compared to most people, and although this sounds conceited, it's just a fact. It's like how some people are math wizards and some people can barely add 2 and 2.

So when I come across emotionally immature people, I have to recognize that they just don't have the abilities that I have, and I can't change that. I can only seek out other people who are similar to me. I am glad I finally understand this now.