I was diagnosed with autism a couple months ago and since then I started feeling a little better about myself and that not everything is my fault and I’m not some weird alien. But then I also started seeking some help specifically for autistics. Before I only researched social skills and it only made me feel worse but right now when searching for the same stuff but for autistic people I don’t feel so bad, I feel like it’s normal and I’m not some weirdo.

I know that with strangers my facial expressions can be bland and my voice so soft and quiet people barely hear or notice me. So I started researching things on how could I change this behavior so as to look more appealing and friendly and let people know the real me. But people deem such things masking behavior and I don’t know how can I help myself.

I want to change but people say I shouldn’t. I don’t wanna be ignored and don’t want other people to be repulsed by me. I no longer know what’s right and what’s not. I feel like people saying how bad is masking for you just want me to suffer.

Please, tell me what should I do? I’m just so lost and feel like no one wants me to get better. Did you experience something like this? What did you do back then?