I fell in love with a friend from my university like 6 months ago already. I have never had a gf and this is the first time I become friends with someone I liked.

One time we went out and I told her I had feelings for her and she told me to let's continue being friends. We grew apart from each other after that and I was feeling terrible about losing the friendship.

Recently we started to become closer once again. I thought that's what I wanted but it is making me severely depressed to the point that I started taking antidepressants for the first time. Being with her makes me happy but after I go home and start thinking about how she'll never see me as more than a friend I get depressed. And the jealousy I feel when I see her flirting with other guys is the worst, my stomach sinks and I feel physically unwell.

I need to constantly repeat myself that she's not a romantic option or otherwise my brain starts fantasizing and I start getting my hopes up.

I decided to reduce my contact with her to the minimum possible but I still feel like shit almost every day. I wake up full of anxiety thinking about her and I just want to continue sleeping the whole day.

I don't want to feel like this anymore. I feel guilty for being so obsessed and I feel very angry at myself for not being able to let go off my feelings for her.