I'm posting here because I'm trying to change things up. I'm tired of focusing on hobbies that heavily rely on nostalgia when I don't "do" nostalgia. These things that I'm focusing on are the very things that the kids were focused on when I was in school...and let's just say that I was kicked out of school at the age of nine because I couldn't handle the other kids!

Yeah, they're mostly video game-related hobbies. I keep feeling this conflict with all those personal interests because they're commercialist nonsense to me. I end up buying way too much in all the tension that I feel. In fact, I spend all my money!

My mother found my third-grade school journal last summer. In it, I talked about how a visit to the local aviation museum made such a great weekend. I make numerous mentions of planes, cars, buildings, and computers throughout the journal. I also talked about how I didn't like Halloween in that journal. That persists to this day.

I wish I cared about mathematics and physics. I could be a great engineer if that were the case. But as for information technology-related stuff, each time I try to focus too hard on it all, I end up destroying my health.

When I was in school, reading my almanac worked for me. It was The World Almanac and Book of Facts. People made me out to be some kind of a boy genius because I loved reading that book. That was very damaging. They made a big deal about Helen Keller at my school, so I asked a group of girls getting books from the library, "Why so much on Helen Keller?" I was told, "Why so many almanacs?", in response. They made a big deal about having a hero in school. I didn't have a hero. I really had to try hard to make things up for assignments on "who my hero was."

Anyway, I feel like I'm at this crossroads.... where as soon as I get focused on those video game-related hobbies, it gets to be too much for me! I end up spending all my money! But as soon as I try to get focused on computer industry-related things, well, if I start trying to focus on that at 9 am, I'll be asleep by 10 am. I wish I could do stuff like Hack the Box and Capture the Flag challenges...but if I do, I'll destroy my health. I tried a few times participating in my school's cyberteam. I was so tired after each attempt.

I have a subscription to a screen reader Google Chrome extension that uses great text to speech voices from Amazon Web Services. I also have access to O'Reilly through my old community college. I have access to nearly every single technology-related book that I'd ever want to read! I can't do it, though!

I'm looking to see where to go from here. I've looked into dating, but it's not very attractive to say, "Oh, I don't really care about much. My interests aren't really interests and what I'd prefer to be interested in makes me feel so fatigued." If you think I know how to code, by the way, I sure don't know how to code. Whenever I try to learn coding in whatever capacity, I end up as fatigued as I described earlier.