I recently got out of a relationship as it seemed all about how I could serve her and anytime I brought up something (say I felt weird or tried to go off about a special interest), I got oh that is weird. As an example, she has been bugging me about a car, because all Americans have a car. A bit stupid line of reasoning, but I agree it would be helpful. So I decided to look into kits to build an electric car (I could have sworn there was more 10-15 years ago, but I digress). She thought that was weird. I thought it might be cheaper to build than buy am electric car or at least retrofit a cheap one, but I think most the kits were like geo metro or some weird car like that. Long story short the Nissan Leaf is probably a better bang for the buck.

But the larger point I am trying to make is it seems like in the relationships I have been in or from people that have offered, that either it is all about them and you get a quick retort if you try to express your needs.

This (and something else I am sure I am reading into way too much), made me realize it seems like many people want to force you into a white picket fence existence, but if that is not you, it is not you. I have done well and have my own place and I am not against permanence on a relationship or even a kid, but the materialism encapsulated in this common mode of relationship just kind of scares me, especially if I need to give up what I want, which is fairly benign on my opinion. Instead of travel and trying new things, most the time settling down means sticking to one location and taking on expenses to keep up with the Joneses. I am not against living life and splurging on a good wine/rum, a trip, or whatever. But for many people it is a status thing. This is not an attack on the opposite sex or on men.

After realizing this, it just made me ask the question, what is in it for me? That may seem selfish, but ultimately if you are going to punk on my hobbies or what I like or deviate me so much from my life goals, then why chase after that? I realized on my most recent trip that I may have ADHD, as I seek stimulation and when I am in my ideal environment, I flourish and am happy regardless of whatever and the idea of a partner barely enters my mind. So it seems that after working on self acceptance and unmasking , I realized that instead of focusing on being accepting by others, I should focus on what enhances me and my environment.

For me, the things that help with that are focusing on good trips, saving towards a pilot's license, saving investments, and saving for an apartment on Bogota. I also should buy a Windows tablet to program on the go and get out of the house and put my energy into my startup idea and other software projects. I also want to invest in buying more nootropics. I am still looking for ways to improve my life, as I cant travel everyday (yet), but to me it seems like it took a trip that stimulated me to put 2 2 together. Hope this post helps someone.

Tldr quit masking, invest in resources that make you more productive and happy.