I was thinking about a lot of things lately. I got into an argument with my mom because rock musi makes me happy and she thinks it is of the devil. I decide how to believe in the Divine and it is not perfect. I say I want to learn to fly and she says that is impractical. Then my fiance criticized me for wanting to build a vehicle ( it seemed like there were more resources in the early 2000s but I guess not) and I tried to explain what an NPC was by comparing it to a zombie and she was acting like I meant I was counting zombies at the airport, when I was just stating things seem wayyy to deterministic these days (I believe in free will, but people can still have the free will to be deterministic). Also sometimes my boss chuckles at a thing or two, but I don't think it is malicious. My mom also got on my case as a kid as I would ask philosophy questions and wonder about certain scenarios and all she could say is give it to God. I would talk about politics and she would say I am obsessed. My dad (who has passed) would be more likely to answer a question head on p, and since his death everyone seemed like weasels to varying degrees.

​

I have gotten to the point of saying fuck it. If my brand of Christianity is not kosher for most people, who care. If I want to build a damn airplane, who TR fuck cares? If I want to talk about fucking monetary theory and otc securities while I sprinkle in some philosophy and talk about travelling, who fucking cares? As for politics, I am tired of dealing with bs and my energy would be better served investing in making sand bags for floods than to worry why there is flooding. I should focus on things that make me happy as this excess masking is making me a husk of a person. Rock that music, check out that casual flight bar, work on building stuff, haters be damned. It is easier said than done, but I feel like I am getting to that point.

​