To start, my wife lost roughly 70 pounds during the pandemic. At 5’ 6” she got down to around 200 pounds. She did it by eating right, eliminating drinking calories, and regular exercise - like 6/7 days a week at the gym.

Now, she has suddenly stopped going to the gym. She comes up with excuses as to why and many are valid. We do have four kids. I’m starting a doctoral program that will leave her alone one night a week.

Now is also a good time to clarify that I love her how she is no matter what and I did not push her to lose the weight. It was all her decision and I supported it. I cheered her on in 3 5Ks and a 10K! I really do want her to be happy. I’ve also lost the same amount of weight, but due to a medical issue, and I am still losing. I’m 5’ 10” and 192 lbs. for reference.

The problem is that she is blaming me for her weight gain and I’m not sure what to do. For instance, she will eat the extra hot dogs I made the kids after her meal and say I wasn’t supportive for cooking them. Another example is calling me and hinting at getting fast food. If I say no, I’m being a jerk. If I say yes, I’m not supportive. Those are her words.

I’m looking for a woman’s perspective. How can I help her achieve her goals without being either demanding or too ‘soft.’ As these last few weeks have gone on she’s become much more irritable.