Gosh, where to start?

She (27f) and I (34m) have been together for 7 years. We have 2 girls (5, 8mo).

Her dad was an emotionally/verbally/physically abusive alcoholic, and her parents divorced when she was in HS.

After our second daughter was born, PPD (post partum depression) hit her pretty hard. Typical stuff. Trapped in the house, no friends, feels alone (I mean, I've GOT to go to work, right?), etc.

Our first daughter was a dream. Easy to get to sleep, never sick, just an easy baby.

Our second is wonderful, but has been sick (RSV, colds, lactose issues) and generally more difficult of a baby.

She had been working before and during pregnancy, and was practically begging to quit early, and stay at home for the rest of pregnancy, and after. I didn't think we cod do that financially, so I got my professional license to do home inspections as a side business for additional income.

I work a strange schedule to begin with, and then do home inspections on the side, despite this, I try to maximize my time at home.

More about her- she cleans our house excessively. Like, deep cleans, steam mops, several times a week. Bordering on ocd. (Her own admission).

She is a borderline hypochondriac. She thinks that ANY ailment requires a trip to the doctor, or there needs to be a diagnosis for everything. Ie- 8mo daughter BARELY bumps head- we need to go to the ER. (This is not an exaggeration.)

She's gotten mean. Especially to me, but also our 5yo who is going through her own stuff, being a new big sister, and having to share attention, time etc.

Her social life is non-existent. She is unwilling to put effort into relationships but then gets bummed out about not having any friends. She'll text her mom and sister constantly all day, every day, but when it comes to anyone but them, nope.

Then comes our relationship. I do things like get up at night with our daughter. Encourage her to go out and do whatever she wants. Go shopping, Barnes and Noble, hell, go out with an old co-worker, or friend from school. Something. Spa day. Just do something for herself. I stay up late to get our youngest to sleep. I've done this since she was born. Trying to maximize my wife's sleep. I get her little things (flowers, a drink from Sonic, etc). I cook dinner almost every night. If I don't cook, it means we went out. After dinner I do dishes, and clean up. I do the grocery shopping. I recently took her and I on vacation to Colorado. Arranged for her mom to watch our girls. I do alot, is the point. On top of a full time job, and running a legit side business that's growing rapidly. I'm lucky to get 6hrs of sleep a night. Seldom she gets less than 8.

We don't have sex. I given up on even trying. It's not a self image thing for her either. Her body is remarkably unscathed from two pregnancies. Not a single stretch mark. Still thin. Boobs look great still (albiet slightly different) but nowhere near what nially happens to breast tissue after childbirth (no breastfeeding)

I'm just at loss. I need ideas to help her see her own value, and get out of her rut.