Hey Everyone, I am a total mess right now. I feel so out of place and feel like how I'm feeling isn't normal or ok. For context- my ex boyfriend and I brokeup in August after a domestic violence incident. I have a restraining order and am pursuing assault charges, but I can't help but miss him. I just feel like the person I once loved and admired turned into someone I couldn't recognize. But everyday I can barely hold it together to go to work and do my day to day tasks like commute and cook. I cry all the time. I miss him so often. Last night I stayed up until 2 am crying and talking to a picture of him. I'm desperate to find anything that reminds me of him, a picture, a note, a voicemail. It's draining and sort of weird. When this first happened I was ok, I mean I was upset, really upset the first few days after the incident, but afterwards I only felt anger with him, and ready to move on. Now all I can think about is our good memories and how much I love(d) him.

I don't know what to do... I'm so depressed and I feel so alone. I don't know if this is normal and will pass or if I really fucked up. It wasn't all his fault, though he shouldn't have done what he did, and been pretty abusive throughout our whole relationship, I can't help but thinking that it was a toxic relationship and I was the catalyst for all of that toxicity and blowup. I feel like an awful person and that no one will ever love or want to be with me again.

Ladies- who have been through something similar or know someone who has, does it get better? Will I be ok?