Okay so this is going to be a long one. I (29m) a dating (26f), this was a complicated courtship as she is my sister in laws sister and had a fiancé at the time. Anyway she moved in with me recently and had a girls trip to go to New Orleans last weekend (she is not normally a big drinker will maybe have a beer or two at night after a long day or at dinner but was a big drinker in college) and they would then come stay with us after wards. When she first told me about it I freaked out as I have massive trust issues, am depressed, and have anxiety. This caused a bump in the relationship but nothing we couldn't work through. Everything between us was going really well. The New Orleans trip happened and I was mostly okay except for a slight bump in the trip, she drank too much one of the nights and calls me bawling her eyes out because her friends are mad at her she doesn't know why and she just wants to come home to be with me. I convinced her to talk it out with the friends, apparently she puked in one of the beds and they over reacted. Ever since that night I was starting to have trust issues with her. Before she came back we were talking and I just asked her maybe don't drink in the day while she was here with the girls. So they came back and I pick everyone up, not a big deal but extremely awkward.

The next day they go out to the beach (we live in Florida) and she day drinks on the beach (1 strawberry daiquiri) we get into a little scuff. Day two back at the beach she drinks a beer. I get home and see and feel a little betrayed again. I don't really socialize that night. The whole time I'm nit picking about the drinking because of it and she really didn't see anything wrong with it. The next day she tells me I'm on my own for dinner as they are going out by themselves to dinner. I tell her I'm a bit upset about it. They go out without me not a big deal as we kind of talked it out during the day. After dinner she comes home and tells me they are going to play drinking games and I should come play with them. I am not a drinker but say okay. I figure the friends want to play and I haven't been able to connect with them so let's see what this is about maybe I can join in. I sit down at the table and they are explaining the rules, super complicated so I bow out but say I will watch the game. It's horrible she is just acting a fool in my eyes. I end the night as I have work in the morning. The next day I found out it was her idea to do the drinking games.

The day before the drinking game we had talked about doing a spur of the moment trip to go up to see her mom out of state where she is from, as my brother and his family are making the trip this weekend. Friday morning we talk again about the trip and we kind of talk about how we are feeling because her mom is concerned I will bring everyone down because I haven't been showing any happiness since the guests were here. I tell her kind of how I felt last night in not the best of words, but I have to go to work so we don't finish and it's left on a bit of a sour note, at one point I say I was disgusted with her (I know horrible choice of words). During the day I talk to my coworker about what is going on at home and she is texting me telling me we are going, then we aren't going on this trip because she knows we aren't doing that well right now. At one point she calls me and tells me she is going to do the trip alone and we talk for 40 minutes about it, along with rehashing all the bs from this week. After this talk I talk with my coworker and he tells me take off go home and explain everything to her and her friends and just be honest with them.

So I rush home and she is packing her car her friends and her are getting ready to drive the trip to get her home to see her mom (she wasn't planning on being home when I got home and was going to tell me over the phone). I gather everyone and explain how sorry I am about the way I was acting how I've been a bad host and an even worse boyfriend. They leave and I sit at home sulking and rehashing the last few days trying to figure out what caused me to be so horrible to everyone because that is really not me. I feel relieved I listened tinny coworker though as if I had waited any longer I would have missed them.

During the trip and before her friends who don't know the real me have been telling her about how horrible I am and how she deserves better. So it's a two day trip and we text on and off as she is the only one driving because the friends can't. She gets to her moms tonight and we talk. She is really upset about everything and I try to explain why I was such a monster and how horrible I feel and what I gleamed for sitting by myself the last day or so.

I tell her how I had the trust issues from the New Orleans trip. That getting back here I felt powerless and how I tried to grab onto any little thing I could control (her drinking) and I blamed her friend for her actions. That I had this monster attach itself to me and I couldn't shake it. How I was stressed from her trip, stressed from them being here, and stressed from my job. That I was just angry and took it out on everyone here. Though she knows I'm not that kind of person normally and I feel horrible and I want to never feel the way I did again or act the way I did. That I want to unconditionally trust her and her decisions and I would work on my issues. We also talked about how she is up there and I figure out she packed just enough stuff, basically the very important things, because she isn't sure she is ever coming home. That she needed space and wanted to be with her mom so she could figure this all out. I'm really afraid that this is it, that my monsters have ruined the best thing that I've had in a long time and she is never going to come home. I know my coworker told me to let her miss me and see what happens but I am really worried that this is it. I'm not eating well or sleeping well. I don't know how this is going to end but I'm really scared.

Edit: I realize that had she not gone away I probably wouldn't have had enough time to see everything as clear as I can now. And after how I acted I could see how she wouldn't want to be around me, but I'm just hurting so much because there is a good chance I've ruined it all.

Tldr: new live in girlfriend has a vacation with old friends out of state they come home I have a major meltdown and I might have ruined a great relationship in just under a week.